November 6, 2011
Got bit by a vampire. This sucks.
November 9, 2011
Wondering when I’ll start craving blood. Think I’ll hit up Pinkberry.
November 11, 2011
Remember what I said about that blood thing? It’s finally started happening. The problem is, I always faint at the sight of blood. How fucked up is this?
November 13, 2011
Almost killed a cat. Too gross. Need blood. Might try breaking into a blood bank.
November 14, 2011
This sleeping-in-the-day-and-coming-out-at-night thing has really fucked my system. Been constipated for days. Thought about going to the doctor, but what am I supposed to say,I got bit by a vampire and I’m constipated? Where is someone with a wooden stake when you need them?
December 2, 2011
Hey, sorry I haven’t written in a while. I tried fasting to get rid of the vampire blood in me. Didn’t work. Just made me crave blood even more. Ended up killing a cat. Wasn’t worth it. Threw up right in the middle of it. Sorry, Buttons.
December 4, 2011
Ordered a steak “blue rare.” Wasn’t bloody enough. Ended up killing the chef. His blood tasted a little off. Gave me heartburn.
December 12, 2011
Well, a lot has happened. I met a great girl. Went for a moonlight stroll on the beach. She added me to her Facebook. Then I killed her. I loved her. Delicious. Wish I could find more like her.
December 25, 2011
Was feeling depressed, being Christmas night and all. I was just lying there in my open coffin, reading my Kindle, when I heard the faint sound of carollers. I sat up, and went to the door. There they were, walking towards my home in that caroller way. The music was getting louder. Suddenly, I kind of felt like the Grinch and my heart grew 10 sizes that day. I opened the door and they smiled, singing at me. It brought a tear to my eye. I invited them all in for a warm cup of eggnog—and then killed them all. Stupid carollers. I didn’t have any fucking eggnog.
February, 8, 2012
Hey, sorry I haven’t written in a while. I’m a fucking vampire. Give me a break. I’m a little on edge. I haven’t had any decent blood in weeks. Didn’t realise it but different blood types have different tastes. In vampire circles—yes, there are vampire circles—the O-negative blood is most sought after. You can buy it on the internet, if you know where to go, but it isn’t cheap, and you have no idea what you’re getting. It’s not like there’s any fucking government regulations on blood sales. Tried to kill and drink the blood of a shyster vampire who sold me some bogus blood. That was not a good idea. Oh, don’t get me wrong, the blood was great. But it didn’t kill him and it only made me want blood twice as much. Also, kind of pissed off most of the vampire community.
February 14, 2012
OK, really hating life now. Tried to commit suicide by running outside in the daytime. Felt my skin burning. Hurt like hell. That was it. No steam coming off of my body. No dropping to my knees. It just felt like someone turned the sun up to 11. Went back inside. Now I’m embarrassed to go out at night. My skin is bright red. The other vamps will probably make fun of me.
February 19, 2012
Remember what I said about the other vamps? They now call me “Red.” I thought my extreme sunburn would go away in a few days. It hasn’t. What really pisses me off is when another vamp comes up to me and slaps me on the back. That fucking hurts. Currently devising a self-staking machine. Tried running into a wooden stake I nailed to a wall. Turns out, wood isn’t that sharp. Fucking hurt, but did’t even pierce my skin. Splinters don’t count, apparently.