Category Archives: Rants

Unclean

I’m not one to get involved with charities and activist groups. But there are some things that I simply can’t ignore. I’m referring to a particular brand of soap that’s been a household name for like hundreds of years—Ivory Soap. Sure, there’s nothing like it when it comes to giving my skin that youthful glow. […]

Layers of Flavor

I was watching television the other day when a commercial for a new KFC product came on. The spot was for something called New KFC Famous Bowls. Now, how a new product could achieve fame before it was released is beyond me. But all that aside, this was quite a big idea. You start with […]

What Happened To My Nickel?

As I was getting ready to do the laundry this evening, I happened upon this odd looking coin in my pocket. “What country is this from?” I thought to myself. And then I took a closer look. It was a nickel. Some kind of new nickel. Not only that, it was an ugly nickel. The […]

hey

im sorry but if ur one of these people who writes emails without using any capitalization or any punctuation ur an idiot i mean do you expect people to spend the time to decipher your messages or are you just so fucking busy that you cant take the time to use a damn comma or […]

NPR Fame

Yeah, I listen to NPR. But I’m not telling you that to impress you. It’s just a way to lead into today’s topic. And what is that topic? Jeeze, would ya give me a fucking break? I’m barely into one paragraph. Have some patience, will ya? Sorry. Where was I? Oh right. NPR. Yeah, I […]

Entourage

Hey, have you seen this new HBO show called Entourage? Well, if you haven’t, you have got to check it out. See it’s about this guy who becomes famous and lives with all his friends in a big house. Crazy. The first episode was insane. Get this: All the guys hook up with these really […]

Handicapped Drivers

I was driving down the road, exceeding the speed limit, when my progress was suddenly retarded. The car in front of me was travelling at an excruciatingly slow pace. And when I say slow, I mean slowwwwww. I wasn’t even sure this vehicle was actually moving. But by using the parked cars on the side […]

A Special Cut

I just finished watching “Shower.” It’s a Chinese film about a father who runs a traditional bath house. The older, more successful son returns home, thinking that his father has passed away. But it turns out it was just a misunderstanding based on a picture his mentally-challenged brother sent to him. Which brings me to […]

Zero Calories. Zero Fat. Zero Carbs.

I’ve just discovered the most amazing food product ever created: The Trader Joe’s Egg-White Broccoli Cheddar Quiche. As you might assume, using egg whites instead of whole eggs in this flaky-crusted entree helps lower its fat content and cholesterol levels significantly. But it doesn’t lower the taste. Unfortunately, it’s not a very good taste. Actually, […]

A Good Ol’ Fashioned Rant

We interrupt the amusing text to bring you this special bulletin: DVD Previews Suck. Has anyone else experienced these? You just bought a DVD of your favorite film. You pop it into the player and it immediately starts running these previews of movies coming out in the future. You try to hit the DVD Menu […]