What Happened To My Nickel?

As I was getting ready to do the laundry this evening, I happened upon this odd looking coin in my pocket. “What country is this from?” I thought to myself. And then I took a closer look. It was a nickel. Some kind of new nickel. Not only that, it was an ugly nickel. The distinguished, soft profile of Thomas Jefferson was gone. In its place was a more chiseled image of the man, staring at me with his beady eyes. He no longer looked like the author of the Declaration of Independence. He looked like a guy who owned 400 slaves (For the record, it was only about 200, and he inherited them). See for yourself:


OK, I couldn’t quite capture the creepy stare he has, but you get the idea. And what’s with that hair? Did they not have combs back then? Maybe this is supposed to be a hipper, more modern Jefferson. If that’s the case, just go for it and show him on a skateboard holding an iPod.

Come to think of it, who decided that we needed a new nickel in the first place? Sure, they recently redesigned our paper currency, but that’s because anyone with a decent inkjet printer could counterfeit the bills. Are people starting to counterfeit nickels? And if they are, who really gives a rat’s ass?

Let’s compare, shall we?

On the left, we have the classic nickel. On the right . . . what the fuck? Honestly, with all this new currency we have, it’s getting to the point where I don’t know what country I’m living in anymore. That said, there is still one thing that remains unchanged: embossed into the top edge of the coin are the words “In God We Trust.” But if you ask me, what it really should say is “The New Nickel Sucks.”

Comments 12

  1. Lani wrote:

    LOL…That’s a strange looking nickel. Did you see the new 10 dollar bill? It’s pink. I had to tell the cashier that she shouldn’t worry cause it was real. And she said she new. We laughed. ha ha ha

    Okay, but that nickel is weird. Skip the nickel. Use pennies.

    Posted 15 May 2006 at 8:35 pm
  2. Smivey wrote:

    I say we boycott the new nickel! If someone hands you one, throw it back in their face! Who’s with me? YEAH!!

    Posted 15 May 2006 at 9:02 pm
  3. Nels wrote:

    I miss the ponytail. My ponytail.

    Posted 17 May 2006 at 10:18 am
  4. Smivey wrote:

    Ponytails are so 1938.

    Posted 17 May 2006 at 10:23 am
  5. JeN wrote:

    Damn, and I thought the new Canadian money was bad enough…
    Well, I do carry around coins with loons and polar bears on them, but your nickel is scary.

    Posted 19 May 2006 at 8:52 am
  6. Smivey wrote:

    Yes, my nickel sucks.

    Posted 19 May 2006 at 9:44 am
  7. jill wrote:

    um, I think it’s pretty obvious why they changed the nickel.
    Thomas Edison didn’t like his profile. So now they’re simply showing him in a more flattering light.

    Jefferson? Huh?
    Screw you google.

    Posted 02 Aug 2006 at 5:55 pm
  8. Smivey wrote:

    Ha. Three comments in one day? Jill, you’re spoiling me. (More, more!)

    Posted 02 Aug 2006 at 5:57 pm
  9. C.S.D. wrote:

    Actually the new nickel Jefferson has this look on his face like, “Why they take away me profile fo? Dang foolios!”

    But instead of the ponytail or the shag I would have preferred him rockin’ a mohawk. On that skateboard. That would be wicked sick.

    Posted 01 Dec 2006 at 9:07 am
  10. Smivey wrote:

    I think you have something there, C.S.D. Maybe he could also have a tattoo on his face. You know something patriotic, like a flag or George W. Bush’s face. Sweet.

    Posted 01 Dec 2006 at 9:12 am
  11. Sally Hemings wrote:

    Thanks a heap, U.S. Mint. Now ol’ Tom looks like a damn pervy child molester. Even if I used Sacajawea dollars, I’d never leave those two alone together in my pocket. God knows what Tommy boy would do to her!

    Posted 22 Oct 2011 at 6:16 am
  12. Smivey wrote:

    Well said, Sally. Well said.

    Posted 22 Oct 2011 at 8:53 am

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