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What Happened To My Nickel?

As I was getting ready to do the laundry this evening, I happened upon this odd looking coin in my pocket. “What country is this from?” I thought to myself. And then I took a closer look. It was a nickel. Some kind of new nickel. Not only that, it was an ugly nickel. The distinguished, soft profile of Thomas Jefferson was gone. In its place was a more chiseled image of the man, staring at me with his beady eyes. He no longer looked like the author of the Declaration of Independence. He looked like a guy who owned 400 slaves (For the record, it was only about 200, and he inherited them). See for yourself:

uglynickel.jpg

OK, I couldn’t quite capture the creepy stare he has, but you get the idea. And what’s with that hair? Did they not have combs back then? Maybe this is supposed to be a hipper, more modern Jefferson. If that’s the case, just go for it and show him on a skateboard holding an iPod.

Come to think of it, who decided that we needed a new nickel in the first place? Sure, they recently redesigned our paper currency, but that’s because anyone with a decent inkjet printer could counterfeit the bills. Are people starting to counterfeit nickels? And if they are, who really gives a rat’s ass?

Let’s compare, shall we?

On the left, we have the classic nickel. On the right . . . what the fuck? Honestly, with all this new currency we have, it’s getting to the point where I don’t know what country I’m living in anymore. That said, there is still one thing that remains unchanged: embossed into the top edge of the coin are the words “In God We Trust.” But if you ask me, what it really should say is “The New Nickel Sucks.”

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