While so many people try unsuccessfully to get their followers to retweet and “like” their posts, I’ve discovered a surefire method to guarantee success. Just follow these simple steps and you’ll be a social-media sensation.
Step 1: Become famous. Are you currently famous? Great, you can move on to Step 2. If you’re not famous yet, get famous before moving on. Are you a musician? Then get really good at playing music. Are you kind of attractive? Become amazing looking, or get involved with a political figure. Honestly, you don’t have to be even mildly attractive if you get involved with a political figure or another celebrity. Throw in a sex tape with said political figure and you’re golden. So, do that, then move on to Step 2.
Step 2: Type anything. It can be a simple phrase like “I like figs,” a random word like “butter,” or just hit any key on the keyboard, like this: o That lowercase O is guaranteed at least 200 retweets, and all in a matter of seconds. People will think you’re a genius. Remember, if you’re not famous, don’t try this. It won’t work and you’ll probably lose followers.
Step 3: Take a picture of anything: a coffee cup, the feces that just came out of your dog. It doesn’t matter. You can even take a picture of someone else’s picture. Once you’re done, post that on Instagram, Facebook, even Google+, just for a laugh. Trust me, that shit is gonna blow up.
That’s it. Three simple steps to social-media stardom: Be famous, type anything, take a picture of anything. So easy, and results are guaranteed. You’re welcome.
Incidentally, no one will probably ever read this.