Here’s something else you don’t know about me: I come from a long line of mumblers. My grandparents mumbled. My dad mumbles. My sister mumbles. And yes, I even mumble. And it really tends to irritate people. Here’s a recent example: I’m went to the Verizon Wireless store on 3rd and La Cienega to look […]
Okay, let me ask you all a serious question. Well, it’s not exactly a serious question. But I am being serious when I ask it. You ready? Okay. Am I the only person who knows about Clam Chowder Fridays? I used to think it was common knowledge. On Fridays, most American restaurants serve clam chowder […]
Today I signed all my loan documents. Oddly enough, it was the first time I met face to face with my mortgage broker. She has one of those cute little names that sounds like it ends with a Y, but really ends with an I. And she really lives up to the stereotype: blonde hair, […]
Well, I’ll be closing escrow in about a week, and now I’m starting to wonder why. I mean, sure I hate the heat and the traffic up here. But Hollywood does have its redeeming qualities. Why, just last week, I was driving down Highland, passing by the famous Hollywood Bowl, and I thought to myself, […]
If you’ve seen me lately, you may have noticed a certain glow in my face. Well, honestly, it’s more of a nervous sweat. But the signs are all there. Yes, my friends, I’m in escrow. In just 30 days, I’ll be the proud owner of my own little bundle of joy: a one-bedroom condo with […]
Well, I finally broke down and ordered something from Overstock.com. I’ve really been putting it off since I hate their commercials so much. In case you’re not familiar with these clever spots, they feature this woman with a foreign accent saying she’s just discovered “the big O.” I kid you not. She actually says “the […]
So there I was, having breakfast at the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills, just as I do every Thursday morning. . . Okay, that’s a lie. Until last Thursday, I’d never been to the Four Seasons — in any city. I was just there attending an Ad Club event, which actually turned out to […]
Oh jagged gelato spoon, how I hate you. At first, you seemed so harmless, just a plastic utensil fabricated for my favourite Italian dessert. But as I’ve learned, looks can be deceiving. I placed that wicked spoon, stacked with gelato, into my eager mouth. But as I slid it out, my upper lip got a […]
Have you ever done something so incredibly stupid that you question your own intelligence? I certainly have. Many times. The first time I can remember doing something really stupid was back when I was maybe ten years old. It was bedtime and I was still pretty wound up. I raced downstairs to kiss my parents […]
Well, after battling with my stomach for so long, I decided it was time to actually start exercising again. You see, being the svelte man that I am, I don’t have much motivation to hop on a tread mill or lift anything heavy. I mean, look at me. Okay, you can’t look at me right […]