Now Comes The Hard Part

Well, after battling with my stomach for so long, I decided it was time to actually start exercising again. You see, being the svelte man that I am, I don’t have much motivation to hop on a tread mill or lift anything heavy. I mean, look at me. Okay, you can’t look at me right now. But if you could, you’d know what I was talking about. Suffice it to say, I’m a fucking bean pole.

So I knew I needed to exercise, but how was I going to do it? I could get myself one of those home gyms with all those rubber band loops for resistance, but I don’t have the space for such a monstrosity. Free weights? Sure, I’ve got a set of those. Who doesn’t? I even have a low-end stair-stepping thingamajig. It’s a lot of fun — for about two minutes. No, when it comes to exercise, I get bored easily. There was really only one option left: cycling.

Yeah, I used to be a hardcore cyclists. Not one of those dorks with the mirrors on their helmets. But I did shave my legs for a while. For those of you who don’t know, a hairless leg is the sign of a true cyclist (or possibly a transvestite). Check out all the riders next time you watch the Tour de France, not a hair protruding from those massive thighs. Apparently, the whole philosophy is that when you bite it (and you will bite it), it’s easier to clean up the wound and apply a bandage without all that wool in the way. Really, though, I think it’s just too look cool.

Cyclists have a term for riders with hairy legs. They call them “Freds.” I’m not sure why. But I’m pretty much a Fred. Because there is no fucking way I am ever going to shave my legs again. I have no idea how you women do it. However, I am so glad you do.

But I digress. Boy, do I digress. Is this a fucking novel or what? That was a rhetorical question.

So I went out and bought myself a new bike on Saturday. It’s pretty sweet. It’s what they call a hybrid bike: part mountain bike, part road bike. Usually, these bikes can look pretty gay. But I managed to find one that confirms my masculinity.

Anyhow, now all I have to do is actually start riding the damn thing. Will I do it? Or will that cool bike I purchased just sit in my living room, leaning against the wall, gathering dust? Only time will tell. Tune in next week for another exciting episode.

Comments 10

  1. boredhousewife wrote:

    okay…i know this is TOTALLY out of line…but when i followed the link to the bike picture…what jumped out at me was “cybersex”. hey–it’s only a few letters off…

    good luck making a new habit–i hope it helps with your digestion issues!!!!!! (consider those extras a gift…)

    if i left about 1% more comments on here, i would certainly be considered a stalker.

    Posted 14 Jun 2004 at 3:49 am
  2. smivey wrote:

    Well, at least you’d be considered a cyberstalker, bhw. har har har.

    Anyhow, thanks for the well wishes. Tried to ride the bike this morning, but I ran into an obstacle: my ass. Apparently, yesterday’s bike ride was a little too intense. My glutes are fucking killing me.

    Posted 14 Jun 2004 at 5:05 am
  3. boredhousewife wrote:

    (your timestamp is all screwy, by the way.)

    dude, you don’t have “glutes” you are skin and bones. but i bet your ass bones are killing you. ;)

    Posted 14 Jun 2004 at 6:03 am
  4. smivey wrote:

    Thanks for the compliment, bhw. My timestamp isn’t all screwy. It’s on East Coast time, and so is my blog.

    Back when I used to post every day, I didn’t like to have to stay up till midnight to post my next entry. By setting my timestamp to East Coast time, I only had to wait up until 9. Yes, I’m that obsessive.

    Posted 14 Jun 2004 at 2:15 pm
  5. Edith wrote:

    It is a really nice looking bike.

    Posted 14 Jun 2004 at 3:07 pm
  6. dvl wrote:

    at least you didn’t get the ‘lite electric’ or a folding model… have fun with it, i know tim loves it and has a few challenging rides in our area to suggest if you want.

    Posted 14 Jun 2004 at 4:21 pm
  7. Smivey wrote:

    They were out of the fold-up and electric models. I was thinking of hiring someone to ride it for me, though. Thanks for the offer, dvl. I may have to take you up on that.

    Posted 14 Jun 2004 at 7:34 pm
  8. Anonymous wrote:

    Gee, i have a blog with the same name :)

    Posted 15 Jun 2004 at 5:13 am
  9. boredhousewifeatwork wrote:

    when’re you going to grace us with a new post??

    Posted 17 Jun 2004 at 10:54 pm
  10. kris wrote:

    what the hell. this blog is back.

    oh, and you spent over $600 on a bike?

    Posted 28 Jun 2004 at 4:26 pm

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