If you’ve seen me lately, you may have noticed a certain glow in my face. Well, honestly, it’s more of a nervous sweat. But the signs are all there. Yes, my friends, I’m in escrow. In just 30 days, I’ll be the proud owner of my own little bundle of joy: a one-bedroom condo with 1.5 baths and a built-in alarm system.
When I was renting, I used to throw money down the toilet every month. But not anymore. I discovered that throwing money down the toilet is actually wasteful. And when you top it off with the cost of rent, it’s actually pretty stupid. I don’t even know why I started throwing money down the toilet. I think I heard someone talk about it once and I thought it sounded like fun. And it was. You start with small bills — singles and fives — and then you work your way up to tens and twenties. Before you know it, you’ve got a small fortune plugging up your pipes. Especially with these fucking low-flow toilets.
But that’s all over now. It’s time to go through all the crap that comes with buying a home: the inspection, the appraisal, the documents to sign (initial here, here and here, full signature here and here), and trying to decipher the lender code (I’m thinking about a 5/1 arm io, whatever the fuck that is).
Yeah, this home buying stuff has taken a lot out of me. And to think it’s only been three days. But I know it will all be worth it in the end. I’ll have a place to call my own, and I won’t be wasting so much cash. Speaking of which, I wonder how good the toilets are in my new place. I’ve got a load of twenties here that are just begging for a free ride.
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