Author Archives

I’m a copywriter. No, really. I actually get paid to write. Seriously. I kid you not.

Uncommon Courtesy

Sorry, I’ve been very busy with work and whatnot lately. Not much creativity left at the end of the day. That said, I watched Marie Antoinette the other night and it got me to thinking: In the film, when the ladies approach someone, they lower their eyes, grab their dress and curtsey. I’m not talking […]

Umbrella With A Raincoat

It’s October and, of course, that means rain. It also means it’s time to pull out my stylish H&M automatic umbrella. For $16, it’s pretty nice. Not only does it shrink down to a convenient, pocketable size, it’s black, and I don’t have to tell you, anything black is cool. A button on the handle […]

At a loss for words

Just last week, my stalker and I were at the Beverly Center, attempting to look like we could afford things there. On our way down the escalators, I noticed two teenagers in front of us wearing Ed Hardy clothing from head to toe (they even had on Ed Hardy tennis shoes). “Look,” I whispered to […]

The Sexy Voice

Last week*, I had the pleasure of sharing my body with the influenza virus. No, I’m not being sarcastic. I kind of dig having the flu. Sure, there’s the fever and the sweating and the yacking. But after all that, if you’re really lucky, you might just be given the pleasure of having The Sexy […]

Why?

Yesterday, I noticed another one of these vending machines selling ice-cold beverages. Thanks, but I’ll pass. I prefer my beverages to be in a liquid form, far above freezing temperature. Incidentally, if you’re selling an ice-cold beverage, it’s not really a beverage—it’s a popsicle, or an “ice lolly,” as people like me who are pretending […]

Waiting For Jesus

Every Easter morning, my parents would wake us up,  hand us our baskets filled with jelly beans and marshmallows of various shapes and colours, then push us out the door and tell us to behave ourselves and wait for Jesus. Yes, that’s right, Jesus. It may seem strange, but that was the tradition, and neither […]

Honey

This is the story of a bee named Honey. Honey lived with all the other bees inside a dead tree off highway 75. All day long, the bees would be hard at work, either making honey or guarding their queen. Uh, that is, all the bees but Honey. Honey wasn’t like the other bees. Rather […]

Another Odd Observation

Have you ever noticed how the spanish rice at Rubio’s Fresh Mexican Grill smells almost exactly like dog kibble? The thing is, it’s delicious. So does that mean that dog kibble is also delicious? I’m not sure if I’m adventurous enough to find out. I take that back. I know for a fact that I’m […]

Best Veggie Burger Ever

Just the other day, I decided to try one of those new fancy burger joints. You know the kind of place. It’s a burger, but it’s gourmet, because they use Dijon mustard instead of the classic yellow. Also, they don’t just serve regular french fries. They serve sweet-potato fries, as if they were the first ones to […]

The Big Day

Well, after three months of truly memorable stalking, I felt it was time for my stalker to finally stalk my family. So I picked up the phone and called my dad: The phone rings a few times. “Hello?” my dad answers. “Hi, dad. How’s it going?” “What’s wrong?” “What do you mean, what’s wrong?” “You’re […]