We always hear about these scary mafia hitmen who kill a bunch of people and make us all scared and shit. Well, I just wanted to bring it to your attention that they aren’t all that scary. Here is a list of some lesser-known mafia hitmen that I found on the Web: Hal “Pretty Hands” […]
I don’t make the trek to downtown Los Angeles very often. But last night, well, something just drew me there. Like a force more powerful than the tractor beam on the Death Star, I found my car travelling faster and faster towards that mass of glowing monoliths. What could possibly possess Smivey, chicken of all […]
Since this is President Lincoln’s birthday, I thought it might be a good time to look into some of those conspiracy theories people keep talking about. So I hit the Web and came across a rather interesting site. I mean, I’m not one to believe most of this malarkey, but they made some really good […]
The year was 3020. Why 3020? Because nobody knows what life is going to be like by then. Sure, there are some jackasses out there who claim to be able to predict the future, but they can say whatever they want, since we’ll all be dead by 3020. Oh, and you’ll also notice that I’m […]
Around 2 am, I got an anonymous message on my phone, which led to the following exchange: XXX-XXXX: i want ur body Me: Yeah? What would you do with it? XXX-XXXX: whatvr u want Me: Seriously? XXX-XXXX: of course Me: Like what? XXX-XXXX: well this is an important decision i don’t want to make it […]
It was December 24th, and there I sat, slaving away at my desk. At around 4:30, my boss came out of his office to see how everything was going. “How’s everything going?” he said. “Fine, sir.” I replied. “Can I go home now?” “Do you have any decent concepts yet?” “No, sir.” “Then get cracking. […]
I’m a busy man. I don’t have time to Google stupid poems and paste them into my blog. Instead, I have chosen to type up a holiday classic as best as I can recall it: ‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not creature was stirring, not even a mouse The children […]
Because I don’t know what to write about, I thought I’d share with you a little secret. See, I can sort of tell where you came from. No, not your place of birth. I mean if you link from a certain Google search, I can see what that search was. In most cases, this isn’t […]
I met my muse. I finally met my muse. OK, I know what you’re thinking: “Smivey, how could you possibly be inspired by someone you’ve never met?” It’s either that or you’re thinking about cheese. I’m not sure. That’s just the vibe I’m getting. Anyhow, I’m going to tell you about meeting my muse. If […]
I won’t even tell you how long I’ve been trying to make this blog entry work. Suffice it to say, more than a week. Anyhow, let’s get this over with. I’ve spent most of my adult life living in fear: fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of being attacked by an albino clown. […]