He pressed the gun barrel against my head and pulled the trigger. There was no hesitation, no long-winded speech. One minute I was alive and pleading for my life. The next minute, I had no life to plead for. Don’t shed a tear for me. There is no reason to mourn. I am not a […]
Dear Student: Thank you for enrolling in my class. Unfortunately, due to lack of interest, I have been forced to cancel it. Apparently, a lot of people thought that the course listing was nothing more than a prank. I suppose I can understand this. But I was really looking forward to sharing with you all […]
He was a man and she was a woman. Good start. They were also heterosexual. Again, that was working in their favor. He looked pretty good for his age and she was incredibly hot. It was just a matter of time before they would find each other. Unfortunately, that matter of time turned out to […]
The scene begins in the library of a large English manor. Three men and two ladies sip tea and nibble on scones. NIGEL, a man in his late 40s, dons a tweed sport coat, sweater vest and monocle. PIP is in his early 20s. He wears an all-white tennis outfit. REGINALD is a man in […]
Hey there. Sorry about making you wait so long for another entry, but, well, I don’t have any ideas that are worth posting right now. Honestly, my mind has been elsewhere lately. In the meantime, I thought I’d share with you something that I witnessed recently. Last weekend, while exiting my building, a good friend […]
Well, I know how you’ve all been waiting patiently for another post. But since I can’t seem to get my latest concept working, I thought I’d try to write something on the fly. I apologize if I’ve offended anyone. I’m a very disturbed individual. Once upon a time, there was a little boy by the […]
Well, needless to say, it’s been a while since my last blog entry. Which is why I felt it was time I dropped this whole charade. Unlike many other “personal” blogs, Everything Sucks has a staff of over twenty people. Every week, the President/CEO/Creative Director, Scott, holds a brainstorming session where new ideas are pitched. […]
How do you cure a headache? What’s the best way to treat a hangnail? Hm. I don’t know. But in this new series of Natural Home Remedies, I will attempt to find out. Keep in mind, these treatments have not been tested on humans, only poodles. Your outcome may vary—a lot. I am not a […]
Being the really cool person that I am, I’m always watching MTV. And one of my favourite programmes is Pimp My Ride. This is where rap artist Xzibit takes cars that aren’t good enough for the junk yard and turns them into something special. At the end of the show, the owner of the car […]
OK, I bet you’ve all been wondering what I’ve been doing for the past week and a half. Well, nothing. I just can’t seem to write anything good to save my life (not that it stopped me before). In any case, here’s a little piece of crap to read while I work on something much […]