OK, I bet you’ve all been wondering what I’ve been doing for the past week and a half. Well, nothing. I just can’t seem to write anything good to save my life (not that it stopped me before). In any case, here’s a little piece of crap to read while I work on something much better. Again, I apologize for the crappiness. This entry really does suck.
Sometimes, when I have nothing better to do, I like to venture into the 99 Cent Only store. It’s not that I’m looking for any bargains. No, it’s just a really great way to see the marketing ideas that failed. That said, I saw some interesting stuff during my last visit. Here’s a sample:
Sour Cream and Onion Skittles
The white ones are sour cream. “Tastes like a chip. Eats like a candy.”Fruit of the Loom Bean Dip
Cleverly packaged with a pair of tighty-whities, this dip was absofuckinglutely delicioius. I have no idea why it failed. People are idiots. OK, I will have to admit, the underwear tends to chafe a bit. But what do you expect from free underwear?Super Ultra-Sour Crest Toothpaste
Wake up your mouth with the tongue-twisting flavour of Atomic Apple or Wacky Watermelon.Giant Turd Candy Bar
This delicious chocolate confection is manufactured to look exactly like human feces. Your mind is thinking it’s crap, but you know it’s food. Well, at least I’m pretty sure it was food.Evian Shrimp Flavoured Water
Bottled in the French Alps, with just a hint of shrimp flavour. They were taking down a display of this stuff when I arrived. Apparently, too many people were vomiting after seeing the little particles of shrimp foating around in the bottles.Dannon Backyard BBQ Yoghurt
That great smokehouse flavour, now in a delicious nonfat yoghurt.
OK, I’m done. Thanks for reading. Be patient. I’m working on something better. I swear.
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