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Another Love Story

He was a man and she was a woman. Good start. They were also heterosexual. Again, that was working in their favor. He looked pretty good for his age and she was incredibly hot. It was just a matter of time before they would find each other. Unfortunately, that matter of time turned out to be 25 years. By then, he was on dialysis and she was suffering from dementia. Also, their looks weren’t quite what they used to be. In fact, they looked pretty disgusting. Ugly, even. And they smelled bad, like old people smell. Fortunately, his sense of smell was one of the first things to go, and her nose was still taped up from when she got into a fight with herself. Their eyes met. Thanks to extremely poor vision, he saw a woman of 25. And she, thanks to her dementia, saw a young man with a snake growing out of his forehead. He thought she was beautiful. She thought he was disgusting, but she immediately fell in love with his snake (it flicked out its tongue so seductively). Suddenly, she ran towards him. He stretched out his arms and their torsos met. Bones cracked. Bodily fluids leaked out onto the hospital floor. He opened his mouth to accept her lips and she tackled him to the ground and tongued his forehead until the orderlies sedated her. Neither the man nor the woman would remember this encounter. But the snake would never be the same.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

This holiday sucks.

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