How do you cure a headache? What’s the best way to treat a hangnail? Hm. I don’t know. But in this new series of Natural Home Remedies, I will attempt to find out. Keep in mind, these treatments have not been tested on humans, only poodles. Your outcome may vary—a lot. I am not a medical doctor nor do I claim to be one, unless you’re into that sort of thing. In which case, you may be interested to know that I own a stethoscope.
What You’ll Need:
1 Lemon
1 Tbsp. Honey
1 Cup Distilled Water
1 Drinking Straw
An 8 oz. GlassWhat You Won’t Need:
4 Meters of Fishing Line
1 Catcher’s Mitt
3 Live Tarantulas and 1 Dead OneInstructions:
Put the kettle on the stove on high heat. Cut the lemon in half and squeeze all of its juice into an 8-ounce glass. Place one end of the drinking straw into the glass and the other end into your right nostril (not the left one!). Closing your mouth and placing your right index finger on your left nostril, snort all of the lemon juice up your nose. Pour the honey onto your palm and then vigorously rub it into your throat. If you can still smell anything besides honey and lemon, it will probably be the kettle burning. Now would be a good time to add the water to the kettle. As you do this, steam should rise up. Put your face over the kettle and let the scalding-hot steam enter your pores. To make sure your soul is cleansed, it’s imperative to keep your eyes open. Repeat every fifteen minutes until your throat feels better. Once your throat feels better, repeat every other hour until it hurts again.
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