How do you cure a headache? What’s the best way to treat a hangnail? Hm. I don’t know. But in this new series of Natural Home Remedies, I will attempt to find out. Keep in mind, these treatments have not been tested on humans, only poodles. Your outcome may vary—a lot. I am not a medical doctor nor do I claim to be one, unless you’re into that sort of thing. In which case, you may be interested to know that I own a stethoscope.
What You’ll Need:
1 Lemon
1 Tbsp. Honey
1 Cup Distilled Water
1 Drinking Straw
An 8 oz. GlassWhat You Won’t Need:
4 Meters of Fishing Line
1 Catcher’s Mitt
3 Live Tarantulas and 1 Dead OneInstructions:
Put the kettle on the stove on high heat. Cut the lemon in half and squeeze all of its juice into an 8-ounce glass. Place one end of the drinking straw into the glass and the other end into your right nostril (not the left one!). Closing your mouth and placing your right index finger on your left nostril, snort all of the lemon juice up your nose. Pour the honey onto your palm and then vigorously rub it into your throat. If you can still smell anything besides honey and lemon, it will probably be the kettle burning. Now would be a good time to add the water to the kettle. As you do this, steam should rise up. Put your face over the kettle and let the scalding-hot steam enter your pores. To make sure your soul is cleansed, it’s imperative to keep your eyes open. Repeat every fifteen minutes until your throat feels better. Once your throat feels better, repeat every other hour until it hurts again.
Phew…I’m glad you don’t need 3 Live Tarantulas and 1 Dead One.
Yes, after going through several painful experiments and five poodles, I discovered the trantulas weren’t necessary.
I hope you just shaved the poodles and nothing else.
hmmmmmm….
I can see that you’ve been spending plenty of time in bars, doing body shots!
am I right?!?
So close, knitgirl. Plenty of body shots, but not in bars.
“body shots”….wtf?!?
kids these days!!
I’ve had enough time to catch and recover from a wicked case of Strep since this post went up. Let’s go, Smivey!
Gotta run, I have a catcher’s mitt to return.
I have some rusty hypodermic needles to go with your stethoscope…
Correction: now you are really scaring me. I have contacted my friends about this thread of commentaries, just in case I turn up missing.
Dang. You sure scare easy.
Also, the police have been notified. They laughed when I called. But they’ve been notified.
Cool. The possiblity of being cuffed just made my day. Thanks!
Mm hm. Always glad to help those who have to work today.
wtf is up with this site im afraid even posting
You’re apparently so afraid that you’ve left out some much needed punctuation, and possibly a word or two. There is no need to be afraid. I mean you no harm. Unless you are a cat.
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