Hey there. Sorry about making you wait so long for another entry, but, well, I don’t have any ideas that are worth posting right now. Honestly, my mind has been elsewhere lately. In the meantime, I thought I’d share with you something that I witnessed recently.
Last weekend, while exiting my building, a good friend of mine was attacked by a group of rabid squirrels. They just came out of nowhere. It was pretty strange.
I mean, he didn’t do anything to provoke the attack. He just walked outside and, bam, there they were. One jumped on his head and started scratching at his face, another one attacked his feet, and a three or four of them seemed to hop on just to enjoy the ride.
When it was all over, my friend’s face was badly scratched up and he had over 15 bites on his body. I took him to the emergency room where they bandaged up his face and injected him with all kinds of shit.
I can only imagine what a horrible experience that was for my friend. I’m told that after the bandages are removed, his face will never look quite the same. But all that aside, I’d have to say it was one of the most adorable animal attacks I’ve seen in my life. And that includes the time I saw a pack of lion cubs pouncing on an unsuspecting zoo keeper. Too cute for words. Really.
One time I saw a squirrel eating the rotting corpse of another squirrel. It would have been disturbing. If it hadn’t been so damn cute.
They’re rats with furry tails. Treat them with fear and respect.
Oh, that sounds so delightful! I wish I had a video of that.
Quoting from the book “Pie Every Day” by Pat Willard:
Squirrel Potpie:
[sic] In the winter, the boys would go out with their squirrel guns and come back with enough meat for a few dinners….
Filling:
3 gray or fox squirrels skinned and dressed, cut into bit seize pieces
1/2 cup plus 1 TBSP all purpose flour
4 TBSP butter
4 cups chicken stock
1 onion
1 tsp sale
pepper to taste
…. If anyone needs the details of the recipe do let me know….
I just threw up in my mouth a little. OK, it was a lot. Thanks for sharing.
I was coming out of IHOP and these fucking squirrels descended from a palm tree and busted my knees with sticks and finished by tossing on my chest a note stating, “My payments better be on time from now on.” A little girl giggled and clapped while walking into the restaurant for pancakes.
Yeah, can you tell this blog entry was inspired by your writing, Sylvia?
Wow! You’re mediocre too!
Uh, you did read that last entry I posted, didn’t you?
Testicles?
LOS ANGELES – A random increase in squirrel attacks has spurred massive public outcry.
There is no apparent cause as to these recent attacks, though some speculate Smivey is a big fat liar.
Asked if the police department is properly equipped to handle such attacks, Los Angeles Chief of Police William Bratton replied, “we have consulted the top zoologists in the world and have formulated various plans and auxillary plans to combat these rabid squirrels.” Upon being informed of the squirrels perfect health and seemingly super strength, Bratton fled.
Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa was unavailable to comment.
Who have you been talking to? Don’t forget that I know where you live. Well, at least the general area. Kind of.
Hey, don’t look at me, I just copied and pasted.
Where’s the write more compliment? Better yet, where are the compliments? Better yet, this isn’t yelp.
No, this is a far cry from Yelp. This my world. Aren’t you scared? Well, I sure am.
That’s very sad, I really thought this was yelp.
I’m off to dream of something funny to write on yelp, hasta la vista, Smivey.
Sorry, I know nothing of blog etiquette.
Actually, to kind of reiterate what Seabendy said I will quote my fictional hero Carry Bradshaw:
“You can’t make friends with a squirrel. Squirrels are just rats with cuter outfits.”
Although I wish I had cute outfits like that.
Well said, or quoted, rather. (thank you.)
Did i just spell “Carrie Bradshaw”, “Carry”? So in fact – badly quoted! Good Lord I need to sleep…
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