The scene begins in the library of a large English manor. Three men and two ladies sip tea and nibble on scones. NIGEL, a man in his late 40s, dons a tweed sport coat, sweater vest and monocle. PIP is in his early 20s. He wears an all-white tennis outfit. REGINALD is a man in his mid 40s. He has a big, bushy mustache and is dressed in a safari outfit, complete with pith helmet.
NIGEL: “I do say, old chap, Esther is looking quite fetching this evening.”
PIP: “Poppycock, Nigel, it is your wife, Elenore, who is the vision of loveliness.”
ELENORE, a blond woman with pale white skin and rosy cheeks, smiles with her crooked yellow teeth, then lowers her head and sips her tea.
REGINALD: “I would agree with Pip’s opinion. Elenore is, indeed, a delight to behold, and it is a well-known fact that she has never turned down a proposition.”
ELENORE: “Awww g’onnn! Amma a good gulll, ah am!”
NIGEL: “Yes, yes, she can be quite a handful in the boudoir. But, honestly, I would not mind spending a few randy hours with the lovely Esther.”
ESTHER, a blond woman with pale white skin and rosey cheeks nibbles on her scone while she speaks.
ESTHER: “I would not be against such an arrangement, Nigel. But why must we retire to the bedroom chambers to have our fun?”
REGINALD: “You’re not suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”
ESTHER: “That I am.”
NIGEL: “Sexual relations right here in the library? My god, woman, have you gone mad?!”
ESTHER: “Perhaps. . . Will there be any takers?”
Nigel looks at Reginald, who looks at Pip, who looks at Elenore.
ELENORE: “Amma a good gulll, ah am!”
All the men lunge for Elenore. Pantaloons are are removed. Buttons are released. And soon the copulation begins. Esther, randy as she is, removes her undergarments, and before you know it, the beast with four backs quickly becomes the beast with five backs. Skin smashing against skin, lips on lips, hips and nips.
REGINALD: “Brilliant!”
NIGEL: “Superb!”
PIP: “Smashing!”
ELENORE: “Amma a good gulll, ah am!”
ESTHER: “Oh, this is quite lovely!”
Suddenly, BUSBY, the chimney sweep, enters the room, broom in hand.
BUSBY: “All finished, gov’nor. . . Wellllll, what ‘ave we ‘ere? Looks loik ya got yerself one of them orgies goin’ on.
REGINALD: “Indeed.”
PIP: “Rightfully so.”
ESTHER: “Good heavens!”
NIGEL: “Care to join us, Busby?”
BUSBY: “Well, ya don’ ‘ave ta ask may twoice!”
Busby does a little twirly dance over to the mound of heaving flesh, removes his clothing and finds his way inside something.
BUSBY: “Ahhh now thet’s whut a call me an orgie.”
REGINALD: “Brilliant.”
NIGEL: “Magificent.”
PIP: “Smashing!”
NIGEL: “Indeed it is smashing, Pip.”
PIP: “No, somebody is smashing my hand with their foot!”
ESTHER: “Oh my! I do apologize. Where are my manners?”
PIP: “That’s all right. No harm done.”
The skin slapping continues for some time. Finally, they all collapse and Busby removes his broom.
ESTHER: “Well, that was quite a romp, was it not?”
NIGEL: “Indeed.”
PIP: “Without a doubt.”
REGINALD: “Indubitably.”
ELENORE: “Amma a good gulll, ah am!”
Everyone looks at Elenore.
ESTHER, NIGEL, PIP, REGINALD, BUSBY: “Ah, blow it out yer arse!”
Elenore lowers her head and reaches out for a scone. And . . . SCENE!
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