Dear Student:
Thank you for enrolling in my class. Unfortunately, due to lack of interest, I have been forced to cancel it. Apparently, a lot of people thought that the course listing was nothing more than a prank. I suppose I can understand this. But I was really looking forward to sharing with you all of my knowledge and expertise.
OK, I’ll admit it, Underwater Basket Weaving is an amusing idea. But when you think about it—I mean really think about it—you realize just how fascinating a concept it really is.
Contrary to popular belief, we do not sit on the ocean floor with scuba gear on. That’s just foolish. The weaving is done in small, specially designed tanks. The weaver remains dry, for the most part, except for his or her hands. The challenge is doing the actual weaving with your hands submerged in water. You see, the straw floats, so you have to keep a really good grip on your project. Once you have a decent amount done, you can use a weight to keep your project submerged. Why not just let your basket float up to the top? Well, then that would be called Floating Basket Weaving or something like that, wouldn’t it? And, really, where’s the challenge in that?
But it really makes no difference. The class will never be and the art of underwater basket weaving will slowly die away. I was hoping I could pass along the secrets and continue the tradition. But, alas, it seems that dream will never come true.
Thank you again for your interest in Underwater Basket Weaving. If you are truly serious about learning the craft, I am available for private lessons. Or if you’d like to give it a go on your own, let me know. I have 15 of these fucking customized weaving tanks in my garage right now and nobody on Craigslist wants anything to do with them.
Happy weaving to you.
Michael Gorgonzola
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