Perhaps if you’ve been reading my blog for quite some time, you might think to yourself, “Hey, that guy must be one fascinating person.” But the truth is, I’m not. I’m just an average guy who lives in an average one-bedroom condo. I eat a fairly normal diet and watch TV like everybody else. At […]
You know how on TV they say “Don’t try this at home”? Well, I tried it at home. And let me tell you, it’s not a good idea. The first thing I tried was jumping a rocket powered car over Snake River Canyon. Boy, talk about difficult. Do you have any idea how hard it […]
It’s been over a year since I submitted my manuscript to the top publishers in New York. No one has even bothered to reply. It’s a story about unrequited love, but I won’t bore you with the rest of the plot. Anyhow, here’s a sample. Any suggestions? CHAPTER 1: ONE HOT MAMA I sashayed down […]
For years, I’ve been going to the same stylist to get my hair cut. But I’ve always felt a little weird about doing it. I mean, there I am, surrounded by women gossiping about the latest Hollywood dirt. It really makes me question my sexuality. That’s why I decided to go to a good old […]
I’ve never really believed in therapy. It just seems so insincere to me. They say they want to help you, but then they have no problem cutting you off when your fifty minutes are up. So I’ve avoided therapists like the plague. Actually, I’ve avoided the plague more, since I’ve never actually had the plague. […]
This is something I’ve never told anyone, not even the transvestite prostitute I visit each week. Okay, that sounded bad, didn’t it? It’s not like we’re having sex or anything. It’s sort of a Big Brother outreach program. We just talk about stuff and go see a movie. No, really. Fuck, I don’t know why […]
I don’t know how to tell you all this, so I might as well start at the beginning. I mean, I could start at the ending, but then all of you would be wondering what the fuck I was talking about. Out of context, you might think a shaved mule in my bathtub would be […]
About five years ago, when I was vacationing in Africa, I spent a week with the Muhalabee tribe. They were a primitive people, fashioning most of their weapons from the dung of water buffalos. Since water buffalos did not exist in Africa and were pretty much extinct, the Muhalabees took very good care of the […]
I used to have this great girlfriend. She was always there for me. She’d laugh at all my jokes. And the sex was, well, amazing. But then things started to go sour. We’d get into these horrible shouting matches over the dumbest things. She’d tell me that my family was conspiring against me and that […]