We always hear about these scary mafia hitmen who kill a bunch of people and make us all scared and shit. Well, I just wanted to bring it to your attention that they aren’t all that scary. Here is a list of some lesser-known mafia hitmen that I found on the Web: Hal “Pretty Hands” […]
Hey, what day is it? Sorry, I guess I”m kinda out of it. My head is aching. I suppose that’s what I get for throwing a party on a Thursday night. Why a Thursday night? Because Friday-night parties are for pussies. So anyhow, like I was saying, I decided to have me a little get-together. […]
I’m in the process of working on another one of my epic short stories, so here’s something else to keep you entertained in the meantime. If you’ve ever been awake late at night, you might be familiar with Cutlery Corner. This is a home-shopping show dedicated to everything that cuts: scissors, knives, swords, nail clippers, […]
Welcome to my new/old blog. Of course, this is just a temporary design. The new one is going to blow you away. No, really. Just take my word for it. OK, I don’t really have any idea of what the new one is going to look like. But trust me on this one. In the […]
On occasion, when I’m not sure what I should write about, I just sit down at the keyboard and start typing. Sometimes, the end result is pure magic. Most of the time, it’s unintelligible drivel. What follows, is the result of one of these writing exercises. Before you start reading, please allow me to apologize […]
Sorry about the delay, but I’ve been slammed with work lately. And when it comes to writing, the people who pay get first priority. Everything Sucks will not be shown this week. Next week? I’m not sure. I suggest you get yourself an RSS reader, if you haven’t already. Then you won’t have to keep […]
I watched the latest episode of The Apprentice last night, after TiVo faithfully recorded it for me. Sure, I was around to see it live. But I cannot stand watching all the bullshit they use to extend the show to an hour — the stupid montages of the city, the moronic rewards the winners receive. […]
Have you ever noticed how most stand-up comics aren’t really that funny? There’s a reason: their jokes have to be written to appeal to a diverse audience. Fuck that. I’ve decided that when I become a stand-up comedian, I’m going to write my routine for a much more select group, a market yet untapped: the […]
I don’t have a lot of time here, so I’m gonna make this quick. Almost a month ago, I was abducted by the Swiss mafia. Why they wanted me, I’m not quite sure. But for the past few weeks, I’ve been forced into slave labor at a well-known watch factory, sustaining myself on nothing but […]