Category Archives: Confessionals

Smivey Confessional #92

11:38 PM: I pull into the parking lot of the Taco Bell/KFC on Lincoln and Manchester, turn on my tape recorder and approach the drive-thru intercom: INTERCOM: Good evening. Welcome to Taco Bell KFC. May I take your order? ME: Yes, I’d like a Cheesy Bean and Rice Burrito, a Crunchwrap Supreme, some Homestyle Biscuits […]

Smivey Confessional #18,954

Walking into someone’s backyard, sitting down next to the chain-link fence. Petunia, a four-year-old Doberman Pincher, slowly approaches from the other side. She’s grinning from ear to ear. SMIVEY: I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just gonna put it out there… I…Okay, I like fruity soap. There, I said it. PETUNIA: grrrrrrrrrrrr […]

Smivey Confessional #1,987,463

Walking into my favorite country-style restaurant, sitting down in a booth, turning to speak through the wicker partition. Smivey: “I like musicals.” Woman: “Excuse me?” Smivey: “I’m a heterosexual man, and I like musicals.” Woman: “That’s nice. Have a good day.” Smivey: “I’m not talking about that pussy shit by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Or that […]