It’s time, once again, to make your New Year’s resolutions. This year, I chose something, I feel, I really need to work on, a problem I’ve had for many years, and that problem is, too many commas.
That’s right, I’m a comma hog. People always tell me, “use them sparingly.” Well, that’s easy for them to say. I like my commas. I’ve grown attached to their sexy little tails, like tiny spermatozoa fertilizing an otherwise barren sentence. Periods seem so permanent. And semicolons are just, well, fucking confusing. Is it a colon, or a comma? Make up your fucking mind!
For this entire paragraph I vow not to use one single comma. So far so good. My fingers are starting to shake a bit. Must. Resist. Urges. Try to think of something else. Shit. I can’t think of anything else. Damn it. Arms shaking now. Body shaking. Head shaking. Oh no. No! Noooooo! ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Crap. This is gonna be harder than I thought.
Hope you have more success with your own resolutions in 2004. Have a happy, new, year.
Smivey 2003
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