It’s time, once again, to make your New Year’s resolutions. This year, I chose something, I feel, I really need to work on, a problem I’ve had for many years, and that problem is, too many commas.
That’s right, I’m a comma hog. People always tell me, “use them sparingly.” Well, that’s easy for them to say. I like my commas. I’ve grown attached to their sexy little tails, like tiny spermatozoa fertilizing an otherwise barren sentence. Periods seem so permanent. And semicolons are just, well, fucking confusing. Is it a colon, or a comma? Make up your fucking mind!
For this entire paragraph I vow not to use one single comma. So far so good. My fingers are starting to shake a bit. Must. Resist. Urges. Try to think of something else. Shit. I can’t think of anything else. Damn it. Arms shaking now. Body shaking. Head shaking. Oh no. No! Noooooo! ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Crap. This is gonna be harder than I thought.
Hope you have more success with your own resolutions in 2004. Have a happy, new, year.
Smivey 2003
Hi, my name’s Vanessa, and I [too] am a comma hog.
hi my names roxie but you can call me rox and no i’m not a dancer or a whore its a just a name why do you have to read so much into it and yes i know i’m digressin but i’m gettin to the point now which is the question of whats wrong with being a comma hog commas are invented for a reason and also what a stupid new years resolution!
Yeah, it is a stupid resolution. I should’ve chosen something more realistic like losing weight or learning how to play the piano. I’m such an idiot.
As a great person once said (so great I don’t remember who it was): why do we all make such unrealistic New Year’s resolutions? Why don’t we just face the facts and resolve to exercise less and gain weight?
Happy New Year, Smivey.
Without commas and parentheses, I’d probably never be able to write anything (almost did this time though).
Its those bloody apostophes Im getting rid of! See? Not an apostrophe in sight. HAH!
Smiv: I should’ve chosen something more realistic like losing weight
haha. naah i dont think you need to lose weight. your vital stats look good to me..
One way? that you can get out of using commas? is to write how you talk? and I don’t talk like this? but I know a lot of people who do? and I want to deck ‘em.
Happy (belated) New Year!
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