Normally, I hate people who make resolutions at the end of every year, but I felt I really needed to make some changes in my life. I mean, it sucks the way people have to make promises. Sure, you need to make changes in your life, but why can’t you do that any time of […]
Late Saturday night, I came to a sudden realization: I need to be an actor. Not just any actor. I need to be the most amazing actor who ever lived. I’m serious about this. I’ll have to go to one of those top-notch acting schools and learn how to method act. When my teacher tells […]
I’ve given this a lot of thought and I’ve decided I’m going to be a rock ‘n’ roll legend. Now, I know I’ve made similar statements before. But this time I’m fucking serious. Did you see that? I said “fucking serious” as opposed to just “serious.” That’s how goddamn serious I am. Now that we’ve […]
Poker is all the rage these days. Seems like every network has covered one game or another. I just love all the characters you see playing: There’s the guy with the baseball cap and sunglasses, the dude in the basketball jersey, and that Asian man with the cigarette holder. I watch all these people and […]
People always ask me “What would you do if you weren’t a copywriter?” I always tell them the same thing: I’d be a janitor. No, I’m fucking dead serious. I would be an amazing janitor. Granted, I’d have to get past my aversion to dirt and scum. But once I did, look out. I’d be […]
I could be a great DJ. I mean, a really kick-ass one. Not one of these pussy weddings-and-bar mitzvahs motherfuckers. No, I mean a serious turntable talent. I’d spin at all the big clubs, playing my own shit. And when someone invaded my space to request the new Puff Daddy track, I’d reach into my […]