Somehow this myth got started that people who wear glasses are fucking geniuses. Well, I hate to break the news to ya, but it’s a load of crap.
I’ve worn glasses most of my life, and I barely made it through high school. Really. I had to go to junior college just to build up my grades. Then I transferred to an unimpressive local university to obtain my B.A.
And what did I major in? Journalism. Not because I wanted to be the next Woodward or Bernstein. I did it because it was a fucking easy major that didn’t require any math.
So please, don’t involve me in your intellectual conversations. I may look like I could have something interesting to add to the discussion. But I don’t. Actually, I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about. Outside, I may be nodding and saying “uh huh.” But inside, I’m just thinking, “huh?”
I’ve never read Chaucer and I have no intention of starting now. Hell, I had a hard enough time getting through Anthony Burgess’s “A Clockwork Orange.” And that was after I saw the damn movie. I like books by Steve Martin and Chuck Palahniuk. Books that don’t make me reach for my pocket dictionary every two minutes. I don’t need any more reminders of how stupid I am.
So I’m sorry if my glasses are misleading. I don’t wear them to look smart. I wear them because I’m too damn afraid to put contacts in my eyes. I mean it. Having anything in my eye freaks me out: an eyelash, a spec of dust, a knitting needle. But is that really a bad reaction? I mean, should I really want to have something in my eye? Seems like a bad idea to me.
But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I should throw caution to the wind and get myself a nice pair of contacts. I hear they’re more comfortable now. And even if my eyes do get red and irritated, I could at least stop pretending I understand what the hell a stem cell is. Bleh.
If you do get contacts, be sure to get those novelty ones that are all white and make you look like a zombie. That way, when people do think you’re being a dumbass, you can just point to your eyes and go, “Well, what do you expect, then? I’m a zombie! Rrrrr! Braaaaiiiins!”
I like it!
you’re such a dumbass.
you are smarter than me, and that’s saying a lot. :)
you’re such a dumbshit… bleh, indeed. (hahaha) :p
I’m afraid of getting contacts myself. But I’m tired of wearing my glasses. I don’t wanna look like a dork anymore. :(
You just need cooler frames. It’s all in the frame. Sure, I’m still a dork. But I’m a cooler dork.
Actually, I do look sexy in my frames… :)
Then quit yer complainin’, Lani.
Have you seen the picture on her website? Looks like Lani doesn’t need any help looking sexy.
I didn’t see a link, Jake. Maybe I should be charging for matchmaking services. Lani, if you’d like to go on a date with Jake, we’ll pay for it.
This is just like blind date. Lani? Any chance that you’ll be interested in going out with me?
Yes, she is quite the looker. I’ll have to agree.
Seems to have a crush on you, smivey considering how often she comments. She even flirted with the frames thing. Will you be a genleman and step aside?
Oh wow. I’m totally blushing. Thanks guys. I appreciate that. :)
ok, so will you go out with me?
Who are you, Jake? Hey Smivey, is this guy a regular on your comment bloggings? hmmm…
just an admirer lani. smivey offered to run a dating service and so i took advantage. you can write to me at blogreader1976@yahoo.com so that we don’t clog his blog. if you have yahoo or aim im, you can find me there too.
“Smivey Dating Service” for only $24.99 a month. Smivey pays for dinner, a show and flowers for the first date. Act fast and join now!
Wow, I’ll join now!!
kidding… :)
Hey, I can’t get in the middle of this. Jake is rather new to the blog, as far as I can tell. But have fun, you two!*
*Smivey and the Everything Sucks franchise cannot be held accountable for anything that occurs during the date. Subjects enter into the dating agreement at their own risk. Actual cost of date will be incurred by the man, unless he turns out to be a total prick. Should the two going on the date happen to both be men, the cost of the date will be incurred by the guy who seems to be the less fruity of the two.
LOL…. sounds great. But nothing is happening. I just want to read your blog and have a good time. It’s just that simple. ;)
Went to contacts years ago, and now I have a hard time wearing glasses. The down side is that when I want to appear intelligent (about twice a year), I have to wear a suit to work. Oh, and keep my mouth shut for the entire day.
Fortunately, I never have to wear a suit to work. Good thing I’ve got the intelligence thing covered with the glasses. Because I can’t keep my mouth shut.
So did Lani and Jake hook up?
I never noticed it before but you are really really funny.
Well, thank you, Norton. Much appreciated. No, Lani and Jake never hooked up.
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