Last week*, I had the pleasure of sharing my body with the influenza virus. No, I’m not being sarcastic. I kind of dig having the flu. Sure, there’s the fever and the sweating and the yacking. But after all that, if you’re really lucky, you might just be given the pleasure of having The Sexy […]
Hey, thanks. I appreciate the thought, but it seems like you’ve made a horrible mistake. You see, it’s not my birthday. No, really. If anyone would know, it would be me. And what’s with all of these Over The Hill jokes? Aren’t those for people over 40? C’mon, give me some credit. Do I look […]
I had to perform my civic duty last week and I thought I’d share with you what I learned. Keep in mind, this is just based on what I encountered through the L.A. County court system. If you live in a different area, don’t bother reading any further. OK, are all those other losers gone […]
So, as many of you don’t know, I’ve been growing a beard for a couple of weeks. That said, I went into the men’s room where I work and took my position at the urinal. As I stood there waiting for things to happen, a colleague of mine came in and stood at the urinal […]
Have you ever had someone try to tell you a funny story, but when nobody laughs, they say, “Well, I guess you just had to be there.” ? Actually, this happens to me quite a bit. So before I tell you my funny story, I will attempt to actually put you in the scene: It […]
It seemed like it was months since they last made love. True, passionate love. The kind of love that would cause a person to walk funny for the next few days. But tonight was the night. All those bottled up emotions were released in every powerful thrust. The box springs squeaked with unbridled fury. The […]
So get this: My computer decided to take a crap this weekend, after I spent half a day working on a new blog entry. Ha ha ha ha ha. No, wait, it gets better: I lost a lot of my files, so I drove to CompUSA to pick up Disk Warrior as a last resort. […]
Have you ever discovered your finger was bleeding, but couldn’t remember why? That happens to me a lot. Which basically means one of two things: Either I’m completely oblivious to the world around me. Or I suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder. I’m hoping for the latter. Sure, MPD is a horrible mental disease. But sometimes […]
Uh oh. I’m only in my late thirties and I’m already becoming a grumpy old man. Here’s a copy of the e-mail I just sent off to AOL headquarters. My name has been changed to protect the innocent. Is there any possible way to remove my street address from your bulk-mailing list? I have no […]
Step 1: Purchase a very nice gift for his parents and his baby sister. Make sure everyone else’s gift is much larger than the gift you got him. Step 2: Give him something nice that he can’t use, such as two game cartridges for the GameBoy Advance system when he only has a GameBoy Color. […]