Hello, dear readers. Remember me? I haven’t had much to write about for a while, so I haven’t written anything. Anyhow, I just read this fascinating story about a boy who started off poor and managed to become a millionaire at age 14. Coincidentally, I started off my business in a similar way. I collected […]
Around 2 am, I got an anonymous message on my phone, which led to the following exchange: XXX-XXXX: i want ur body Me: Yeah? What would you do with it? XXX-XXXX: whatvr u want Me: Seriously? XXX-XXXX: of course Me: Like what? XXX-XXXX: well this is an important decision i don’t want to make it […]
It was December 24th, and there I sat, slaving away at my desk. At around 4:30, my boss came out of his office to see how everything was going. “How’s everything going?” he said. “Fine, sir.” I replied. “Can I go home now?” “Do you have any decent concepts yet?” “No, sir.” “Then get cracking. […]
I met my muse. I finally met my muse. OK, I know what you’re thinking: “Smivey, how could you possibly be inspired by someone you’ve never met?” It’s either that or you’re thinking about cheese. I’m not sure. That’s just the vibe I’m getting. Anyhow, I’m going to tell you about meeting my muse. If […]
I have a muse and she is beautiful. She is also very self-absorbed. I mean, she told me to write this. “Write a story about me.” she said. “Tell them I’m beautiful.” “OK,” I replied. “If that’s what you want.” “Yes, that is what I want. I want everyone to know just how wonderful I […]
I hate how some people lie about what they do for a living. My job isn’t that impressive, but I have no problem telling others about it. I’m the head cashier at a Thrifty Drugstore. “But, Smivey,” you say, “Thrifty doesn’t exist anymore.” Yeah, that’s what they want you to believe. But the truth is, […]
It’s no secret. I’ve had some difficulties when it comes to the fairer sex (that means girls). But last week, rather than run away from my problems, I decided to face them head on like a man—a man with enormous testicles. Of course, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I mean, I’ve always […]
I was watching TV the other day when a commercial for a weight-loss program came on. The woman in the ad said, “I’m a chocoholic and any diet that lets me eat chocolate, is the diet for me.” Yeah, right. That woman is a fucking liar. She doesn’t even act like a chocoholic. How would […]
Plenty of restaurants in L.A. claim to be exclusive: no sign on the door, no address, an unlisted number. But the fact is, if you know someone who’s been there, you really won’t have any trouble finding the place. That’s not the case with ???. Not only do I not know where it is, I […]
For as long as I can remember, I’ve lived in a constant state of panic. Worrywort McGee is what they call me, which I always thought was a stupid nickname. Anyhow, the other day, during one of my many anxiety attacks, Sean, a coworker of mine, peeled me off of the ceiling and said to […]