Category Archives: Best Of

High-School Reunion

Well, I just got back from my 20-year high-school reunion. Let me tell you, it was not at all what I had expected. To begin with, nobody was how I remembered them. It was as if someone had taken each person’s skin and slid it over an entirely different body — a much larger body. […]

Love Letter

My Dearest, When I think of you, I hear music. It starts off with a soft cello, then slowly builds up to an entire symphony. Then, for some reason, there’s an electric guitar. And it’s not like I have anything against electric guitar, but it just doesn’t work with the symphony. I mean, it’s like […]

My Life Is Boring

Thought you might like to know why I haven’t written in a while. Well, I haven’t been feeling too creative these past couple weeks. That, and my life is boring. You know what I did today? I went to the bank, got some groceries and did the laundry. Thrilling, isn’t it? After that, I spent […]

Pole Position

Anyone who’s seen me in real life can attest to the fact that I am not a conservative person. In addition to my all-black wardrobe, I’ve become quite well known for my unusual body piercings. Granted, there are plenty of people with rings in their noses like mine. That’s why I decided I needed to […]

The Case of The Black Leather Handbag

Needless to say, the case of the Long-Distance Jumper didn’t go so well. About twenty minutes into my investigation that night, a real detective showed up and confiscated all of the cool things I had managed to put into little plastic bags. He then proceeded to lecture me on the consequences of destroying evidence and […]

The Backstory

A lot of you have been writing to me and asking about who I am and why I started blogging. Well, rather than spend all the time replying to every email, I thought I’d address you all at once: Fuck off. Why are you so goddamn interested in who I am and what I do? […]

Keen Observation

I found her corpse sprawled out on the sidewalk: a jumper, they said. Of course, I didn’t believe them. Sure, all the signs were there: the position of the body, the giant pool of blood, the shattered bones. But still, something wasn’t right. Me? My name is Richard Keen, Private Investigator/Disc Jockey Extraordinaire, available for […]

A New Bedtime Story

Since y’all liked my last bedtime story so much, I thought I’d go on ahead ‘n share with ya a new’un. This’n was done told to me by my ma, back when we was livin’ up in the Ozarks and I was, I reckon, no more than a pea. Hope y’all like it. It go […]

The Library Story

I found her, in all places, at the library. I was looking for a hard-to-find novel by my favourite author, Danielle Steel. And she, she was busy working. Yes, she was a librarian, but a sexy one, dressed conservatively, with a long flannel skirt and sensible shoes. And her blouse — whiter than the teeth […]

Late-Night Love

It seemed like it was months since they last made love. True, passionate love. The kind of love that would cause a person to walk funny for the next few days. But tonight was the night. All those bottled up emotions were released in every powerful thrust. The box springs squeaked with unbridled fury. The […]