Fucking Solicitors


This blog may get a little long, but read on. It’s pretty fucking insane.

I was enjoying my Sunday morning, watching TV, when suddenly there was a knock at my door. I glanced through the peep hole and saw a frail looking older woman standing there. Was the volume of my TV too high? I muted the TV and answered the door.

An older man in a jogging suit was standing next to her. He started the sales pitch: Apparently, this woman who looked familiar, lived in my building on the other side. She was trying to get a job with the L.A. Times and needed some neighbors to sign up for the Sunday delivery for a few weeks to help her out.

As the man was talking, it suddenly dawned on me. I’d seen these people before. Not in my building. But several years ago in a condominium complex I was living in almost thirty miles away. They were giving me a similar pitch, only that time the woman was a recent widow. I didn’t fall for the scam then, either. Was this a coincidence that the same woman chose to live exactly where I live now? I didn’t think so. I declined their offer and shut the door.

Of course, I could’ve just let that go. But I didn’t. I was pretty pissed off that they were pulling this scam, so I decided to hunt them down and confront them. When I caught up with them, they were just leaving another resident’s door. They apparently scored there.

I walked right up to them, ready to let them have it, and I did. Only it didn’t come out the way I wanted it to. You see, my body was filled with adrenaline at the time, and I kind of have a problem with anxiety. My voice cracked as I told them I remember them from my old residence. The man denied it. Now he was claiming to live across the street. Despite my body wanting me to flee, I persisted. I told them to get the fuck out of the building. And it would’ve been pretty cool, except with the cracking voice, it sounded more like Peter Brady telling them.

Finally, they started to leave, but not before the man in the jogging suit managed to ruin my day. He turned to me and he looked me in the eye and said, “I know where you live.” I said, “So, fucking what! Get the fuck out of here!” But my mind was saying, “Oh, fuck. I am so fucking dead. This guy probably has mob ties. I’ll probably wake up tonight with the barrel of a shotgun shoved down my throat.”

Anyhow, they eventually left. I managed keep my legs from falling out from under me and get back to my apartment. Then I called the police. After waiting on hold for several minutes, it was explained to me that the “I know where you live” statement could not be considered a threat. Basically, I’m fucked. So, if you don’t see any entries on this blogger site next week, you’ll know why. It’s kind of hard to write when your brains are splattered all over the wall. Fucking Solicitors suck.

Comments 13

  1. rich wrote:

    solicitors suck.
    Scammers suck more.
    The “I know where you live” was an idle threat. The guy was bluffing. Chill out.

    I had a similar situation where I live (maryland) and I politely refused the scam (I forget; magazine subscriptions or something), watched the man go across the street, and called the police, who caught him red-handed as he was receiving a check from my neighbor.

    Unfortunately, they didn’t arrest him, but he also had no idea who busted him. The cops made sure he left the neighborhood, and I’m fairly certain if this guy returns and is caught, he will be prosecuted.

    Posted 31 Mar 2003 at 8:36 pm
  2. smivey wrote:

    Nice to see someone else putting their two cents in for a change. I called the cops after the incident, but since there was no proof that they weren’t just sellling newspaper subscriptions, they didn’t even take a report.

    Posted 01 Apr 2003 at 5:50 am
  3. Glovia wrote:

    I admit to falling prey to a magazine scam about 4 years ago. I totally remember it. The kid from Boys Club took my check and gave me the number of his mentor’s office. And they cashed my check, and I never got the subscription. And the number was no good. And well, I guess karma will come around some day and bite them in the ass. I just remember the only important thing my father ever taught me, Life’s not Fair. And that SUCKS!

    Posted 01 Apr 2003 at 1:11 pm
  4. smivey wrote:

    I’ve been a victim of the magazine scam, too. I think I lost about $100. Totally sucks.

    Posted 01 Apr 2003 at 5:40 pm
  5. eggo wrote:

    man, think of all the masturbatory materials you could buy with the $100 you lost. its probably a good think you didn’t buy the l.a. times too–too bulky to masturbate with.

    Posted 01 Apr 2003 at 8:05 pm
  6. smivey wrote:

    Yes, the newspaper can be bulky. But, oh, all those wonderful bra sale ads.

    Posted 02 Apr 2003 at 1:09 am
  7. Glovia wrote:

    Masterbating to bra sale ads? You are sick Smiv. But hey, whatever does it for ya. I happen to live about 100 yards from a neon purple coochie store (that’s what the old men & their paranoid wives in the neighborhood call it) where you can find anything anything. I think there are diseases on the door handles tho. But at least they don’t send door-to-door solicitors and it keeps the Mormons away.

    Posted 03 Apr 2003 at 2:27 pm
  8. smivey wrote:

    Sound like fun. Too bad about the Mormons. Magic underwear turns me on.

    Posted 03 Apr 2003 at 5:22 pm
  9. Glovia wrote:

    How’d you know about those?

    Posted 03 Apr 2003 at 7:06 pm
  10. smivey wrote:

    I read a lot…okay, I think I heard it on a radio show.

    Posted 06 Apr 2003 at 12:11 am
  11. Solicitors suck wrote:

    If someone places a no soliciting sign on their door why the hell do people still leave flyers on their door step? What if someone had numerous signs stating do not leave any paper advertisments of any kind including recycling, sales, non profit and political in english and in spanish. If you are stupid and can’t read these signs on doors and resepct the homeowners wishes and your stupid enough to leave your contact info on these papers well then I get to post them on Craigslist to have anyone on here contact them and tell them how stupid they are for doing this. HAVE RESPECT FOR PEOPLE’S WISHES and when there is a No Trespassing sign……. DONT TRESPASS YOU IDIOTS!

    Here are solicitors contact numbers left on my door feel free to contact them and tell them how stupid they are:

    Jorge 510 860-9352 Jose 510 586 6256

    Political solicitor: Ed Lee 925 828-1969 email: edestguy at aol dot com or Council candidate Phil O’lane 925-270-1898

    Posted 16 Oct 2011 at 8:54 pm
  12. Jose ALvarado is a bitch wrote:

    FUCK THESE SOLICITORS!!!!!

    Jorge and Jose recycling solicitors THESE GUYS SUCK and won’t leave my neighbors and I alone. They are constantly soliciting. There company tel 510 240-9023 and 510 586-6256

    Posted 14 Feb 2012 at 4:46 pm
  13. Fuck Telemarketers and Solictors wrote:

    The sad thing is that drug dealers and prostitutes are more useful – and more popular – than telemarketers or solicitors.

    At least dealers and hookers have lots of happy customers. Many of whom provide repeat business too!

    Posted 30 Sep 2015 at 10:49 am

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