Around 2 am, I got an anonymous message on my phone, which led to the following exchange:

XXX-XXXX: i want ur body

Me:  Yeah? What would you do with it?

XXX-XXXX:  whatvr u want

Me: Seriously?

XXX-XXXX: of course

Me: Like what?

XXX-XXXX: well this is an important decision i don’t want to make it 4 u

Me: What are you wearing?

XXX-XXXX: why does that matter

Me: I see your point. Well, what would you like me to do to you?

XXX-XXXX: do to me? im not following

Me: Sexually.

XXX-XXXX: GROSS

Me: what?

XXX-XXXX: ur sick

Me: You’re the one who said you want my body!

XXX-XXXX: 4 research! we want u to donate ur body to science

Me: Are you fucking kidding me?

XXX-XXXX: no

Me: This is an SMS solicitation?

XXX-XXXX: im merely txting people to c if they want to donate their bodies to science

Me: And I’m paying for these messages?

XXX-XXXX: yes

Me: And you’re OK with that?

XXX-XXXX: as long as im not paying for it

Me: But aren’t you?

XXX-XXXX: shit ur right

Me: So stop txting me!

XXX-XXXX: ok

Me: Thanks.

XXX-XXXX: no problm im touching myself

Me: What? Wait a minute.

XXX-XXXX: hm?

Me: Why are you touching yourself?

XXX-XXXX: i didn’t say i was touching myself

Me: Yes, you did.

XXX-XXXX: prove it

Me: I just replied to a message that said you’re touching myself.

XXX-XXXX: the lines must have been crossed

Me: That doesn’t happen with txt messages.

XXX-XXXX: sure it does

Me: No, it doesn’t.

XXX-XXXX: whatever can i pick ur brain

Me: What do you want to know?

XXX-XXXX: i just asked you

Me: And I said, what do you want to know.

XXX-XXXX: i want to pick your brain

Me: FOR?

XXX-XXXX: duh  4 medical research  i want to dissect it

Me: ARGGHHHHHHHHH!

XXX-XXXX: so?

Me: Fine. Sure. Whatever. Just leave me alone.

XXX-XXXX: cool i’ll have someone sent over with the contract

Me: Good night.

And then I turned off my phone. About an hour later, my land-line phone rang. The call was coming from the intercom of my building. I didn’t answer it. Now I’m afraid to go outside.