Movie Ideas

As a writer, I’m usually very protective of my ideas. But then I got to thinking, who am I to deprive others of my genius? Besides, I can’t possibly write a screenplay for every plot line I come up with. That said, I submit to you these movie ideas. Feel free to make them your own. All I ask is that you give me props in the movie credits using these exact words: “Genius by Smivey.” I thank you.

The Pig, The Boat and a Man Named Mestipapulious
OK, so there’s this pig, right? And it’s in a boat, OK? It’s just a tiny boat, though, like a dinghy or something like that. Keep in mind, this isn’t one of those fucking cartoon pigs that talks. It’s just a regular pig, but it’s wearing one of those tiny leprechaun hats that’s attached to his big head with an elastic band. Anyhow, for almost the entire film, you just see the pig hanging out in the boat, making those pig noises and wallowing in its own filth (note: make sure there’s mud in the boat.). At the end of the film, the pig reaches land. A man is waiting there. His name is Michael Radcliff. Not Mestipapulious. See, you’d be expecting it to be Mestipapulious. But it’s not. it’s Michael Radcliff. That’s the twist.

The Lesbian Princess
Princess Lolly is 25 and still single. She is totally hot and spends most of her days hanging out with the handmaidens in the garden. She also likes to take baths. Perfumed baths. With the handmaidens. Anyhow, she finds out that her father, who is also the king, has arranged for her to be married to Prince Jack. Oddly, Princess Lolly protests. Why? It can’t be because of the way Prince Jack looks. He’s totally hot. No, it turns out that Prince Jack’s sister, Princess Mildred, is a full-on lesbian. And Princess Lolly? She’s nothing but a close-minded homophobic bitch.

The Placebo Effect
George Herman works at the local Rite Aid as a pharmacist. Bored with his job, he decides one day to substitute everyone’s prescriptions with harmless sugar pills. All the patients take their medication as directed on the bottle, and faster than they can say “I’ve never felt better,” their health quickly deteriorates. Some die within days. Others suffer for months. As the patients’ symptoms worsen, the doctors prescribe different medications for them, only to have them substituted with another placebo by George Herman. Many years later, the authorities finally trace the cause of all the deaths to Herman. They come to the Rite Aid to make the arrest, but Herman quickly downs a handful of pills before they can stop him. As you might expect, the pills were only placebos. Nevertheless, he dies instantly. That’s the placebo effect.

Steve is a Certified Public Accountant who longs to become the world’s greatest competitive eater. Of course, he has to overcome a lot of obstacles before he can reach his goal: For one thing, he’s six feet tall and only weighs 130 pounds. He’s also a vegetarian and suffers from Irritable Bowel Syndrome. But Steve is determined to succeed. After suing the Nathan’s Hot Dog company, he wins the right to compete in their hot-dog eating competition — without having to eat any actual hot dogs. Wolfing down 400 lard-free buns in just 30 minutes, Steve beats the skinny Japanese guy’s record by just seconds. He goes on to compete in other competitions, but never even places in the events. At the end of the film, Steve enters himself in a habanero-chile eating contest and dies from internal bleeding after swallowing just one chile.

OK, that should be enough to get your started. Enjoy your fame and fortune, courtesy of me.

Comments 11

  1. JeN wrote:

    The one with the pig is the best one. Any movie/play with someone abandoned in a little yellow inflatable boat is sure to rake in the big bucks.

    Posted 15 Apr 2006 at 2:14 am
  2. Trojan wrote:

    Your like a sadistic Edgar Allen Poe…What? no roses and rainbows for your movies?

    I have a screen play in my head…based on some of my experiences. Getting it down on paper has proved to be difficult.

    Perhaps i’m overthinking it…who the hell knows…

    Posted 18 Apr 2006 at 3:59 pm
  3. lani wrote:

    the Placebo effect. I see that winning awards. Who will play Mr. Herman? I’m thinking Aston Kutcher.

    Why did I think of him? Now I just realized. He was in the buttery effect.

    Strange how the mind works when you’re not really working your mind.

    Posted 19 Apr 2006 at 8:18 pm
  4. Chad wrote:

    I’ve been reading long enough without contributing anything. Have to agree with lani — the true winner here is The Placebo Effect, definitely. I can see that growing into a good movie (better than anything they’ve been releasing lately).

    Posted 20 Apr 2006 at 6:38 am
  5. Smivey wrote:

    Wow, this must have been some blog entry. All four of my readers have commented on it. Well, if The Placebo Effect does indeed make it to the silver screen, we’ll all know where the idea originated, won’t we? That said, I really thought The Lesbian Princess was the big winner. Hm. We’ll see.

    Posted 20 Apr 2006 at 2:38 pm
  6. C.S.D. wrote:

    Dibs on The Lesbian Princess. It’s about time someone exposed the princess homophobes.

    Posted 24 Nov 2006 at 12:52 am
  7. Smivey wrote:

    Agreed, C. One can only hope that others will be as open minded as you.

    Posted 24 Nov 2006 at 12:55 am
  8. deep wrote:

    i’m down with princess dyke. i’m curious who would play her. i like chloe sevigne. she did it opposite hillary swank. is she too obvious? hmmm. maybe she could play the pig in the boat. she could make the hat look couture.

    Posted 15 Apr 2007 at 11:26 pm
  9. Smivey wrote:

    I was think of Jim Belushi as the pig. But I like your thinking, deep.

    Posted 16 Apr 2007 at 5:52 am
  10. Ryan wrote:

    I think Stuffed is the most likely one to get made, though… starring whatever the latest comedic flavor of the year is.

    Posted 25 Mar 2008 at 4:41 pm
  11. Smivey wrote:

    Most likely to get made? Are you kidding? They are all brilliant. Someone is going to make millions. You’ll see.

    Posted 25 Mar 2008 at 5:04 pm

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