Skip to content

Being Positive: Part 1 of 1

I’ve been told by many that I think too negatively. Well, that may be the case now, but I’m determined to change all that. And there could be now better place to start than with my forehead. Why? Well, it’s huge. And I’m not the only one who thinks that. But the important thing to understand here is that there are a lot of advantages to having a enormous cranium. For instance . . .

THE BENEFITS OF HAVING A GIGANTIC FOREHEAD
(In no particular order)

1. Never have to worry about getting shampoo in my eyes.

2. Gives shy people something to stare at while talking to me.

3. Can be used as a quick, make-shift screen for spontaneous vacation slideshows.

4. More skin to love.

5. Halloween: A little green makeup, I’m Frankenstein.

6. Hair won’t have as far to recede.

7. Draws attention away from my Spock-like eyebrows.

8. Makes me appear smarter (Spock-like eyebrows also help).

9. Draws attention away from my Spock-like ears.

10. I look damn good in a top hat.

11. If I was stranded on a deserted island, and I spent a good amount of time out of the shade, my sunburnt head could be used as a distress beacon, easily visible from an altitude of over 30,000 feet — day or night.

OK, that last one was deplorable. I obviously have a lot of work to do . . . eh, screw it. Being positive sucks.

10 Comments