Hey, don’t you hate it when you ask someone when their birthday is and they won’t tell you? “Guess,” they say. Oh, that should be easy. After all, there are only, what, 365 days in the year? Hm, let me take a stab at it. Is it June 11? No? How ’bout March 8? Well, two down, 363 to go.
Yeah, I do it too. What’s the big deal? It’s your fucking birthday. Just spit out the damn date and get it over with. What’s ironic is, most of us actually get upset when our birthday comes and goes and nobody acknowledges it. You might call it the paradox of the ages. (Ha, did you get that? Of the ages? Bleh.)
So, yeah, most of us like to receive a few good wishes on our special day. But unless your office posts one of those b-day calendars every month, there’s no way for anyone to know when your birthday actually is. That’s why I’ve come up with a few subtle hints to ensure your birthday won’t go unnoticed. I call them “A Few Subtle Hints To Ensure Your Birthday Won’t Go Unnoticed.” And here they are:
About a week before your birthday, start talking about how old you feel, possibly mention that you’ll be feeling even older next week. (OK, that’s not such a subtle one.)
A few days before your birthday, start talking about how your family wants to take you to dinner and how you really don’t want them to make such a big deal of it. “Of what?” they’ll say. (Yeah, you’ve got ‘em where you want ‘em.)
A day before you birthday, mention to your friend or coworker how you were thinking about taking the day off tomorrow. After all, it’s your day. (Now you’re just getting desperate.)
The day of your birthday, if you don’t see any banners or balloons in your cubicle, get on your computer and send yourself one of those obnoxious electronic greeting cards — You know, the ones with that awful MIDI music playing in the background. When you receive it, open it up and leave it on your screen. Be sure to turn up your speakers. Then loudly react to it. Say something like, “Oh my! I’m gonna kill her! Ha ha ha! Would you look at that!” If people don’t come running, turn up the music. “Ha ha ha ha! How do you turn this damn this off?” (Welcome to Pity Country.)
If none of the above tactics work, you’re either hated by all or you’re working among the deaf and blind. Really, there’s not much else you can do, aside from maybe writing a blog entry about birthdays and ending it by mentioning the day of your birth (February 8). Sure, it’s not very subtle. But you’re a self-centered bastard and everybody knows it. Bleh.
Happy Birthday!! I’m gonna guess that Feb 8th is your day? Yeah!
So mine was Jan 22nd. Remember that for next year will ya? I like getting phone calls and emails from family, friends and strangers wishing me a wonderful birthday and many more. Thanks dude!
Yeah, it is February 8. How did you know? I really try to keep it a secret. Don’t want anyone to make a big deal of it.
I know you don’t want me to make a big deal about it, but I’ll be in Times Square where the ball drops. Just look up and you’ll see some sort of object drop. Then we’ll all celebrate.
lol you’re so cute. Happy Birthday stranger.
Happy Birthday. Your Old. Ha!
Thanks everyone. Gosh, I don’t know how you found out when my birthday is. I’m so embarassed.
Bugger, Appy Birthday! I guess we just took Ur not so subtle hints man that leaves a b’day go unnoticed..
Just thought I’ll add in my 2c.. dont believe in celebrating something wrong that happened such a goddam long time ago.. but thats just me..
Happy B’day once again!!!
Hey there.
I know I already wished you one yesterday, but it’s better to wish you one today since TODAY is your b-day! So…..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU SEXY MAN, YOU!!
I wish you many, many more! Don’t go spending all your birthday money all in one place!
Sexy man? You get all that from reading my words? Hmm
Yep!
u know wot? i’m gonna send this piece of ur blog as a FWD to everybody i know… the day before my bday. Can i? plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz :-)
happy birthday, ol’ boy
Oops. Happy belated. *tousles your hair* You old whatchamajigger.
Hysterical. I am going to send your post to a friend of mine. She didn’t speak to me for 3 days because I forgot her birthday (June 12 I think). She needs to learn some tactful hints. BTW I let her forget mine 2 months later. Happy be-lated birthday. After all, I didn’t even know you until today.
Nobody actually “knows” me, because I’m so fucking mysterious.
You’re right. I don’t know you cause you’re so mysterious. Can I know you?
Where did you go to school?
How many siblings do you have?
What’s the name of the guy that makes your sandwich at the deli? And do you like how he makes it?
If I told you all that, I would no longer be mysterious, would I? I live in L.A., so I don’t go to delis much. But if I did, I think Sal would be making my sandwiches. Sal sounds like a guy who could make a mean pastrami on rye. Too bad I only eat fish.
i love this post.
MY BIRTHDAY IS OCTOBER 4th
I’ve made a note of it.
Happy belated birthday, you sexy sexy man. Oh, wait, that’s been done already.
Oh well, then consider this to be extremely early birthday wishes for next year.
sexy man….I love it!!!!!
be comfortable with your hotness!!
btw, I’m june 4′th….so remember that too!
Hotness? Should I be expecting hot flashes now?
that would be andro pause….or pos….and I don’t think you’re quite there yet….
or are you?!? muah ha haaaaaa!
You know you are 40 now. Do you feel your mortality? You have what… about 30 more years?
Thirty more years? HA! More like ten.
It’s going to be God’s little joke and you’ll probably live 40 more years, you happy man, you.
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