Every year we do it: We come up with these promises to make our life better, and so often we fail. Why? I don’t think it has anything to with our resolve. I just think we’re not being very realistic with our goals. So if you’d like to be more successful with your resolutions, consider one of these:
I RESOLVE TO SPEND MORE MONEY THAN I MAKE: Everyone attempts to budget or get a better job. Fuck that. It’s too hard. Just bite the bullet and rack up that debt. You’re never going to pay off that credit card anyway and you know it.
I RESOLVE TO EAT CHOCOLATE EVERY DAY: Now here’s one that shouldn’t be too difficult to keep up. Of course, if you happen to be diabetic, or allergic to chocolate (perish the thought), this could be a problem. Otherwise, dig in.
I RESOLVE TO START A BAD HABIT: Hey, instead of trying to break that habit of biting your toenails, come up something new. Picking your nose at the table is an easy one. Or what about making that clicking sound with your tongue? Be creative!
I RESOLVE TO GAIN TWENTY POUNDS: See “I RESOLVE TO EAT CHOCOLATE EVERY DAY”
I RESOLVE TO STAY AT HOME AND WATCH MOVIES ALL DAY: This one’s my favorite. But since I’ve already mastered it, I’ll have to come up with a new one this year. So if you happen to be in my neighborhood and hear a guy clicking his tongue against his teeth, be sure to wish me a happy new year. And I’ll do the same for you.
(NOTE TO SELF: I RESOLVE TO WRITE BLOG ENTRIES BETTER THAN THIS DREK)
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