Yesterday at the office, the subject of death came up. Now, how this came to be is really none of your business. But we finally came around to the question of how we each want to die. Most people said they wanted a peaceful death, surrounded by loved ones. Me, I don’t really care how I die. As long as it’s not a slapstick death.
I mean, think about Sonny Bono. He was a successful entertainer, a politician. But you know what people think about now when they think of Sonny Bono? Yeah, the guy who skied into a tree. Yes, it’s tragic, but you can’t help but smirk when you hear about it. So that’s my only concern: dying in some manner where if you added a goofy sound effect like a slide whistle, you’d have people rolling in the aisles.
So here is a list of ways in which I do not want to die:
1. Slipping on a banana peel.
2. Falling down an open manhole in the street.
3. Getting wacked in the head by a guy holding a ladder as he quickly turns around to see what’s going on.
4. Being smothered by a cream pie.
5. Jumping out of the way of a speeding car, just in the nick of time, only to turn around and see a semi truck coming at me from the opposite direction.
6. Falling off a highrise buidling and landing face first into patch of wet cement.
7. Driving an old covertible car off the highway and into a barnful of chickens.
8. Having a guy poke me in the eyes with his two fingers. Then as I put my hands over my eyes, he punches me in the stomach. When I cover my stomach, he hits me over the head with a ball peen hammer. And this goes on until I collapse and die from internal bleeding.
9. Braking just before my car goes off a cliff, leaving it teetering on the edge. Unbuckling my seatbelt to carefully get out, when a butterfly lands on the hood, and the vehicle slowly tips over and plummets into a ravine below.
10. Fighting somebody on the top of a speeding train. Knocking him down and lauging at him as I cock my gun to fire the fatal shot. He looks behind me and smiles. I turn around to see the top of a tunnel smashing into my face.
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