They say it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Those people are idiots. Being in love is one of the most amazing things in the world. Losing a love sucks donkey turds. That’s why I’ve decided to avoid the whole love thing altogether and just stick to good old fashioned lust.
Yes, lust. Unbridled passion without all the emotional baggage. Letting your animal urges take over while leaving your heart behind. It’s fun. It’s good exercise. And it can’t hurt you.
Oh what I wouldn’t do to be in lust again. I’m talking true lust. Like when you feel that certain ping in your stomach the moment you lay eyes upon them. Okay, the ping actually occurs a little lower than the stomach, and it’s not really a ping per se, but I don’t want to get too graphic here.
The important thing to remember is lust is all around us. But it won’t find you. You have to go find it, in swinger clubs, and at state-regulated brothels. Pornograghy may also seem like a good option. But don’t fool yourself. That’s only unrequited lust. And it’s only fun for about fifteen minutes — thirty, if you’re talented.
Keep in mind, lust is not so easy to see. It requires a lot of work to uncover. And a good amount of distilled spirits. But be patient, my friends. Before you know it, you’ll be looking into the eyes of someone special again, bouncing so furiously upon them that you’re in danger of cracking their pelvic bones. And the funny thing is, you won’t care. Because you’re not in love. You’re in lust.
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