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Zero Calories. Zero Fat. Zero Carbs.

I’ve just discovered the most amazing food product ever created: The Trader Joe’s Egg-White Broccoli Cheddar Quiche. As you might assume, using egg whites instead of whole eggs in this flaky-crusted entree helps lower its fat content and cholesterol levels significantly. But it doesn’t lower the taste.

Unfortunately, it’s not a very good taste. Actually, it’s extremely foul. So foul, in fact, that I spat out the small portion I placed into my mouth seconds after it made its entrance. It didn’t taste so much like quiche as it did a sweaty sock. Fortunately, since I did not actually digest any of this so-called food, it didn’t cost me any Weight Watchers points or interfere with my Pritikin, Atkins and Zone diets.

For years, manufacturers of diet foods have been trying to make their food taste better, which only makes people want to eat more of it. But Trader Joe came up with a much better solution: Make the food taste like shit. Here’s to you, Trader Joe, a culinary pioneer.

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