Have you ever said something before that you wish you never said? Well, I do that a lot. Basically, it’s my insecurity coming out in the form of words:
“I’m never doing that again.”
“I don’t belong.”
“It’s not my cup of tea.”
“Thanks for putting up with me.”
Can you blame anyone for giving up on me? Damn, there’s that insecurity again. I apologize. I’m such an idiot. Actually, I’m not. I just have a lot of issues. I’m a good person, really. I just come across as an asshole. Have you noticed how every good thing I say about myself is immediately followed by a negative statement to counteract it? This is what I do. It’s not good a thing. And, honestly, it’s hard to stop.
I’ve been like this for most of my life. It’s ingrained in my psyche. But I’m trying to change. Really. It’s just so fucking hard to do. So if you do happen to see me at a party and you notice me sitting by myself and not participating in the conversation, don’t think it’s because I’m a dick. I’m just fucking scared to death. Anyhow, that’s if you see me at a party. Fuck. There I go with those negative statements again. Bleh.
Boy, wasn’t that a funny post.
everybody’s a work in progress and it’s brave to even try to change thing you’ve been doing for years…
Thanks, wens. Work in progress, that’s one way of looking at it. I guess that’s the positive way. No wonder I didn’t recognize it. There’s that self-deprecating “humor” of mine agan. Shit. This is hard.
Actually it is mature of you to feel and see both sides of an issue. It’s where your humor comes from too.
Some life experiences may stunt a persons ability to choose the right (for them) thing to do. An example might be dealing with immature people. With them, if you make the responsible decision (for everyone to get along, or for attainment of future goals), you are punnished, because immature people are like 2 year olds–they want their reward now and they can’t see into the future.
You live in LA. Get real. Ooo, bad choice of words. If you want to hang around immature people, and are an adult, there is one healthy paradigm for you–You’re a Daddy.
Congratulations.
edith
you are a brave boy. i would soooo come give you a lap dance if i saw you at a party. insecurity sucks, and we all have our own special blend of it…you are not alone.
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