Once upon a time, there was a little bear named Fubu. Fubu was only ten years old, but he was a very special bear. For instance, he could walk upright and speak English, while other bears his age could only growl, attack tourists and shit in the woods.
Yes, Fubu was special, all right. And not special like Owly the Owl, who despite wearing spectacles and a graduation cap, was just a fucking moron. No, Fubu was special in a different way. Whenever the teachers called on him, he always knew the answers to their questions. And, oh, one more thing: He was also extremely well-endowed.
That’s right, for a little ten-year-old bear, Fubu was hung like a horse. Which could’ve been a little distracting, so his mama sewed him some extra baggy jeans to wear to school. The first day Fubu wore his new pants, he expected all the kids to make fun of him. After all, the jeans hung so low on his waist, they could barely stay on his ass. But to Fubu’s surprise, all the kids wanted to know where they could get a pair of their own.
When Fubu got home that day, he told his mama how the kids reacted to his new jeans and dollar signs flashed in her eyes. Why the kids wanted to look like they were wearing their father’s pants was beyond her. But if there was a demand for extra baggy jeans, she could certainly supply them. She set to work creating the jeans, then expanded her line to include droopy socks and gloves with too many fingers.
The socks and gloves never quite caught on. But the jeans became extremely popular. So popular, in fact, that Fubu’s mama started sewing her son’s name on the pants to let people know they were wearing the original Fubu baggy jean.
That’s right around when Fubu’s mama found a cease-and-desist letter in her e-mail box. Turns out, humans had already cornered the market on the baggy clothing craze and that the name Fubu was a registered trademark of the FUBU corporation of America, all rights reserved. Fubu’s mama not only had to stop making the oversized clothing at once, she had to turn over all the profits she made by selling her clothing. Basically, she got royally fucked. And despite how smart little Fubu thought he was, there wasn’t a fucking thing he could do about it.
The End
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