10. Live just a hop, skip and a jump from West Hollywood
9. Use the phrase “a hop skip and a jump”
8. Like to shop at Williams-Somoma
7. The fact that I like to shop. Period.
6. Watch Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, but learn very little.
5. Own a scented candle
4. Always cry at the end of Sleepless In Seattle
3. Like to get facials (not that kind, sicko)
2. Thin, neat and single
1. Like to have sex with men… nah, I’m just kiddin’. And the number one Incredibly Gay Thing About Me is…
1. Richard Simmons once came up to me and told me to take it down a notch.
You are starting to suck. I found you about a week ago and enjoyed your cynicism. Now you suck. Kissing? Gay things about me? How about some more commentary on our sucky society?
Jason
Fort Polk, LA
You figured it out Jason. He is saying he sucks.
You are also providing valuable material for a sucky entertain-me attitude rant.
Jason, I’m sorry that you now think I suck. But then again, EVERYTHING SUCKS. Hello? Have you read the title of the blog? Everything Sucks. That means everything. And that includes the commentary on this site. Uh huh. I rest my case.
Actually I love top ten lists. We used to make them regularly one place where I worked. I made this one commemorating having to deal with the two cars I cared for breaking down. The shops gave me the broken parts, which were both small black boxes with a single plug in them.
Ten things to do with broken stupid car parts
10) (For Japanese ones) Slice diagonally, dangle from the handles of dipsticks, and use as part of a geisha do.
9) (For Swedish ones) Slice crosswise and work into your berserker Viking beard, to give that fully terrifying effect.
8) If they contain an adequate amount of wire, use wire to slice stinky cheese (Swedish) or tofu (Japanese)
7) Spray-paint silver, add hooks, and use as ornaments on your white themed Christmas tree.
6) Screw to some seatbelt stock, add Velcro, and you have a trendy belt.
5) Collect all the gold from the electronics, and gold leaf a front tooth.
4) Use as the secret ingredient in a firehouse chili contest entry.
3) Who needs fluffy dice? Suspend these from your rear view mirror instead!
2) Buy a small collar, add a leash, and you have a really low maintenance pet.
And the number one thing to do with broken stupid car parts is:
1) Pack the smoke back in and reinstall.
J-Sorry you missed it dude. We all suck here, there, everywhere. You too.
Seriously though Smiv, Richard Simmons? All else seems perfectly acceptable boyfriend behavior.
if you took it down even half a notch, you would cease to exist.
Ah, someone that knows me. So true.
Let’s see how I rate by your standards of what’s ‘gay’:
10. Live a hop, skip, and a jump from Beverly Hills (MI)
9. My grandma once said “hop, skip, and a jump”, does that make her gay?
8. Ah don’t know me no Williams nor Sonoma
7. I like to shop for CDs, books, stuff like that, and yes, once in a while, for some spiffy new clothes. However, I have all the fashion sense of a guy who lives in a pantry, so I guess this negates any gayness caused by liking to shop for clothes
6. Like the fact that there’s more TV to raise awareness of queer culture, but can’t help thinking of the guys on that show as much more than five walking stereotypes
5. Probably own a scented candle only it’s under a pile of funky laundry somewhere
4. Always cry at the end of “Planet of the Apes”
3. Once got frosting smeared on my face as a kid
2. Got a beer gut, am pretty much a slob, and am sorta’ hooked up
1. Does masturbation count as sex with your own gender? If so, we’re ALL gay!!!
So, in summation: not very gay. There isn’t a Top Ten Big Oaf Things About Me ‘blog entry anywhere though, so what the hell.
PEANUT BUTTER BASEBALL BATS
If you like to shop at Williams Sonoma you really should be cooking more.
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