Poker is all the rage these days. Seems like every network has covered one game or another. I just love all the characters you see playing: There’s the guy with the baseball cap and sunglasses, the dude in the basketball jersey, and that Asian man with the cigarette holder. I watch all these people and think to myself, ‘I could be a professional Poker player!’
Of couse, I’d probably have to learn a bit more about the game first. I think if you have all the cards in the same suit, that’s good. But not as good as if someone has all the cards in the same suit in order. I think. But I’m not sure. My friend tried to explain the rules to me once, but SpongeBob SquarePants was on at the time and I just can’t get enough of that Plankton.
Not that it matters. I think the key to Poker isn’t how you play your cards, it’s how you play the players. You know, all those mind games and shit. I could totally do that. But rather than play it cool, I’d put my own twist on things:
They’d deal me my two cards and I’d glance at them and just let out a, “Oh, fuck me!” and then I’d lower my head to the table like I just lost my life’s savings. But I wouldn’t fold, and everyone would be thinking, ‘Hey, what’s with that weird guy wearing the giant foam cowboy hat?’ (’cause that’s what I’d be wearing), and they’d all try to ignore me. Then I might turn to the guy next to me, the one with the cigarette holder, and I’d say something like, “Hey, what do the ‘A’ cards mean?” And he’d just glance at me and let some smoke out of the corner of his mouth. What an asshole.
So, there would be this round of betting and then the flop, and then the bridge or whatever the fuck it’s called, and finally it would come to me and I’d yell, “ALL IN, BABY!” and push the four chips I had into the pot. Of course, everyone would call or check or whatever they’re supposed to do and I’d show them my Pair of Twos. And then the guy wearing the basketball jersey would display his Three Kings, and that would be that.
Yeah, I’d be a fucking awesome Poker player. But it would certainly be a short career.
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