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Their Pain, Our Gain: Part 1:
The First Time


Guys, think about this: How painful was it the first time you had sex? Assuming you aren’t some kind of masochistic pervert who jams pins in your johnson, it probably didn’t hurt at all. Sure, it was over faster than she could say “Is it in yet?”. But what else did you have to complain about? Wearing a condom? Please.

Women, on the other hand, don’t usually have such fond memories of losing their virginity. In fact, some have described it as feeling like they’re being ripped in two. And while it would be really easy for me to make a joke here about my size being the cause of all that pain, I’m gonna take the highroad (yeah, right).

But seriously. The tearing. The bleeding. The headache from having their head bounced off the headboard over and over and over. How can that be fun? From what I can see from my vantage point, it can’t. And yet they continue to submit to our advances, with nothing to look forward to but a “thank you, ma’am.” at the end.

Well, it’s gotta stop. No, not the sex. Are you fucking crazy? I’m talking about taking women for granted. I want all of you men out there who have girlfriends or wives (or both) to do something nice for your girl today, and I’m not talking about just buying her some goddamn flowers. Get her a card. Write something nice in it. Let her know how much you appreciate everything she does for you. Maybe even grit your teeth and take her dancing. And don’t wait until February 14th to do it. Do it today. She’ll love you for it. And then tomorrow you can go back to treating her like shit.

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