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Under The Needle

It used to be that if you wanted to look like a real bad ass, there was only one thing to do: get a tattoo. Then the nineties rolled around and suddenly everyone was sportin’ ink. Heck, even my sister got a butterfly buzzed onto her ankle, and she’s a frickin’ CPA!

So, if CPAs and Tax Attorneys are going under the needle, what’s a genuine bad ass supposed to do? Pierce your eyeballs? Maybe. Better yet, why not do something that really makes a statement? Get a face tattoo.

That’s right. Only a real man could take so many pricks in the face…Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best choice of words. All I’m sayin’ is, a tattoo on your mug says ‘bite me’ to society. Because as soon as that gun starts grinding away, you’ve pretty much narrowed down your career choices: Prize Fighter, Mass Murderer, Used-Car Dealer or Tower Records Employee. Come to think of it, Tower Records might even have a problem with that one.

Okay, so you’ve decided to go for it and get the face tattoo. Good for you. Now the question comes up: What do you want permanently etched on your face? Something tribal? Eh. Too cliche. A snake? It’s been done. No, you want something different. Something that will get people talking. In other words, something cute.

Think about it. Anyone can get a black widow spider or “666” carved into his face. But you walk into a bar with a Care Bear on your forehead and the rumors would really start flying: “Stay away from that guy with the Care Bear tattoo. I heard he ripped a guy’s arm off and then ate it for lunch, bones and all.” Yeah, with a Care Bear tattoo on your face, nobody would even think about fucking with you. Except for maybe the guy with a bouquet of daisies embroidered into his scalp. Now that would really be scary.

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