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A Modernized Christmas Carol

Sung to Deck The Halls

Deck the halls with boughs of holly!
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la, la la!
Tis the season to be…what the? Get the fuck out of my way, you goddamn stupid bitch! Why the hell does everyone have to go to the fucking mall at the same goddamn time? Goddamnit! Oh no you don’t. You better not be taking that space. That’s mine, buddy. Look. I’m signaling. You better not. You better not. I swear to God, if you do, I’m gonna crack your fucking head open with my goddamn tire iron! No…no…you son of a…FUCKING BITCH!
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la, la la!
Don we now our gay apparel!
Fa la-al, la-la-la, la la la!
Troll the ancient yuletide…hellooooo! Yes, it’s a fucking escalator, but that doesn’t mean you should just stand there! How bout lifting your feet and trying to walk a little bit? Or at least step aside and get the fuck out of my goddamn way, YOU FUCKING LAZY BASTARDS!!!
Fa la-la-la-la, l-a, la laaaaaaa!

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