Recently, I decided I should give meditation a try…
Okay, I’ll just wait until you stop laughing. Go on. I can sit here all day…Alright, maybe I better just continue.
Anyway, so I’m sitting at home (in a half lotus position) watching this DVD about meditation, and they’re trying to get me to do some basic yoga stretches before we start getting all metaphysical and shit. One of the moves is very simple. You just get on your hands and knees, tilt your head up, lean forward and arch your back. Just one fluid motion. Looks easy enough. There’s only one problem. My back won’t arch. Not even a bit. The head goes up. But the back stays put. So, there I am, trying to center my chi or whatever, and my face looks like I’m about to give birth. Somehow, I don’t think this was what the yogi had in mind. Being Inflexible sucks.
Being a runner, I am by nature, inflexible. Or should be. However, you can get more flexible. Routine massage (yes, with lubricants) does help flexibility. And stretch, like all the time. My sister can put both her feet behind her head and hop around on her butt. It’s disgusting. Being flexible is high overrated. But I’m glad to hear you’re “getting all metaphysical and shit” – that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all day!
I’ve been massaging myself for years. But aside from my left wrist, I don’t feel any more flexible.
All Yoga basically is is you giving yourself a massage. I dabbled around in that stuff for a while & have being able to stand on my head now to show for it (I couldn’t before). I still do a few of the exercises every now & then just to show my body I don’t totally hate it, though the headstand generally gets saved for when I’m really drunk at a party & feel like showing off. I got a few girls to applaud a couple of times but mostly people either don’t care or don’t want to look at my plumber’s crack.
Video yoga is wack. Go to a class or learn out of a book if you really want to learn it, because they start out with easier positions & you work your way up to the harder stuff as you become more flexible.
I was kind of a weird kid & I used to flex my legs into what was basically the lotus position just for the hell of it when I was, like, 5 or 6 years old. That’s pretty much the only reason I can do it at all.
MMB, You were a weird kid? You’ve got to be kidding.
Are you gay?
No actually, it’s Sunday. I’m hung over.
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